Prompt 109: Your Earliest Memory of Being Separated From Your Parents

Prompt 109: Your Earliest Memory of Being Separated From Your Parents

The earliest memory I have of being separated from my parents is when I was about three years old.

When I was three, I went to California with my mom’s cousin. We are not even in touch with him anymore and I don’t remember who it was.

My parents also had a housekeeper that began with my family when I was six months old. She continued working for my parents well into adulthood for all of us. She also has frequently cared for my parents ten grandchildren was well. That included my son twice per week for 18 months when he was a toddler.

I have very little memory of my trip to California. I can remember one picture of the trip amid the Palm trees. It was of me and the cousin. I also vaguely remember flying Pan Am. Eastern airlines somewhat creeps into my memory about that as well. That would not make much sense though.

How come there was an Eastern Airlines and not Western? At least as a major airline. There was also frequent time spent with grandparents growing up.

My maternal grandparents lived in the same area we did, while my paternal grandparents were in another state. I think I once went to visit my grandparents out of state when I was about six or seven. I remember going to a fancy party with my grandfather.

My paternal grandparents were much simpler than my maternal grandparents. The party was something special for my grandfather to go to. It was in the party room of their condo building. I remember having a nice dinner and that there was a band and dancing.

There was also frequent sleepovers at my maternal grandparents because they lived only a few miles from us.

When I was separated from my mom it was much more frequently time alone with my father. He would travel a lot and bring me with him. My brother had been ill frequently as a young child.

My mom had to stay behind to take care of my brother and at times be with him in the hospital. For the most part, we were not separated from my parents very often as children.

 

Prompt 108: What’s the Biggest Letdown you can’t let go of?

The biggest letdown I cannot let go of is my the battles in my divorce. It’s the nightmare that keeps on giving.

The biggest letdown I cannot let go of is my the battles in my divorce. It’s the nightmare that keeps on giving.

Nearly six years ago, my ex-wife became paralyzed from an illness. Eleven months later she filed for divorce. Nearly three years after that she got custody of our children. About two more years and the judge awarded her my house I bought when we were legally separated. At the time I had custody of our children.

In the nearly four years from the time of her illness her family got power of attorney over her, worked with her to file for divorce, got custody of the children and now my house. I am beyond devastated. Having my own house was the last thing I had of comfort.

Being at home has provided me more than shelter. It’s a place I can call my own. I love my neighborhood, town and the deck I have in the backyard. I have sat outside often this summer to write. On a beautiful summer day, it’s really nice to be able to do that.

I wrote earlier this week on my other personal blog about being numb. Her family, specifically her sister and brother-in-law seemingly won’t stop until they get everything and I am destroyed.

I do not know where I will live. No one in my ex’s family has even stepped foot in my house much less lived her. It’s hard to understand what the judge and the court system are thinking. Those close to me feel the same. The one word I have frequently used throughout the divorce process is illogical. That applies to many if not most divorce cases.

I have lost everything important to me. I don’t know what I will do next. I currently work part time in two jobs. I do courier work and always am looking for more clients. I also am a blogger.

I’ve thought about where my life will lead me next. I have never been comfortable in my own shoes. My lack of self-esteem likely hurt my marriage. I have been able to accept the end of the relationship. Everything else involving the divorce has crushed my mental health.

Losing my children and now my house makes me shake my head. I am just not sure where, when, what and how my life will hold next. It astonishes me how many divorces are more about vengeance than what’s best for the children and/or just moving on and being able to begin the next phase of your life.

 

Prompt 107: Write About a Word That Doesn’t Exist, define it and explain why you need it.

Prompt 107: Write About a Word That Doesn’t Exist, define it and explain why you need it.

When I was in college my fraternity brothers created the word fice. It is a combination of the words fucking and nice.

I am not sure why they came up with it, but we used it all the time. If we had a big party coming up it was fice, going out on a date with a hot or awesome chick, it’s fice. It many ways it was an all-encompassing word.

Fice could sometimes be used in place of using dude. In a fraternity, it could be hard to have a conversation without using the word dude.

The emphasis on dude could be used often through the flow of a conversation. If someone aced a test throughout campus someone might use an elongated pronunciation of the word Duuuuuuude! The emphasis being on well done. We frequently used Fice in place of dude.

If someone aced a test you would use fice. It was a reference as dude was to a job well done.

The frequency with how much we said and used fice shows why we needed it. It frequently would get a laugh even though we did not use the word lightly.

The way we used the world and talked to each other with it somewhat reminds of the bud light men from the 1990s using Whazzup.

That commercial created a lot of buzz. It was very polarizing. Fice was the same for us. Many in the fraternity didn’t like it. It also seemed to annoy many of the girlfriends of the brothers too.

It was a great word for us though. In many ways, it was unifying and created our own code. That often annoys those that are not in the Greek system.

Fice became a part of our everyday vernacular. It brought us closer together. Many of us had come to college a long way from home. We created a family within the fraternity. We all loved

We created a family within the fraternity. We all cared greatly for each other. Fice was how we all felt about each other.

Prompt 106: That time you were bullied nearly to your breaking point. What did you do? What didn’t you do?

Prompt 106: That time you were bullied nearly to your breaking point. What did you do? What didn’t you do?

The time I was bullied to my breaking point was my divorce.

My ex had $13 million reasons to win the divorce. She has substantially more than I do. She used her finances to destroy me nearly every step of the way.

After I received physically custody five months into her filing for divorce she switched attorneys. My attorney at the time had been doing a good job externally but did not treat me with respect.

She often called me names. She told me I was stupid, that I didn’t know what I was doing because I didn’t have a law degree and would often tell me how to parent.

In many ways, I felt bullied by her. About three weeks after my ex hired a new attorney I did the same. The new attorney was nearly completely the opposite. He was kind and respectful by often seemed intimidated by my ex’s new attorney.

Her new attorney was a shark and did whatever she could to get an advantage. One of my sons twice came home from a visit with his mom with bruises up and down his body.

We proved it to the children’s attorney about when the bruises happened. They lied about what happened and when. Nothing was ever done about it.

Throughout the course of the divorce process, they lied and made things up about my family and things that were going on with the kids. The opposing attorney had absolutely no ethics. Her style was to bully her opponent and it worked.

The judge believed everything they said.  Everywhere I went, everything I did or said was used against me. The judge looked at the case as everything I did as negative and everything or someone acting for her did as positive.

Never in my life have I been made to look more ineffective than I was in this case, literally and figuratively. The case was never even. The judge that ruled her way came after new attorneys were hired. After the new judge was appointed I was constantly bullied and my attorney did little to stop it.

When he did try he lost every time.

Prompt 105: A time you’ve been ashamed of yourself

The time I was ashamed of myself was when I was arrested for trying to reason with a utility worker who came to my house.

One of our utilities was turned off. I thought my then wife had paid the bill and she thought I did. A woman came to our house to reinstate the utility. When she went to turn it back on, she said she was unable to do so.

I tried to reason with the woman. I closed the door to my house and asked the woman can’t we work this out. She called her dispatcher. I immediately opened the door and let her out.

I said some things I now regret. After calling her dispatcher, the police were notified. They came to my house and I was charged with keeping the woman against her will. The entire thing was 30 seconds.

It is something that changed the course of my life. My eventual conviction has kept me from finding work, played a major role in the end of my marriage and likely cost me custody of my children.

One 30 second mistake has influenced the remainder of my life. We all have things in our life we are embarrassed or ashamed of. Many or most don’t have to have it have a major impact on the rest of their life going forward.

I wish potential employers, romantic interests, and the court could look past my mistake. I regret it tremendously. I did not hurt anyone. I hope if someone commits the same mistake in the future they will not be judged as harshly as I was.

We often judge people based on a piece of paper. One action in our life should not define us as a person. We should be judged by the entire sum of our actions throughout our lifetime.

I hope that in the future this will be the case.

Prompt 104: Write about a Time a Parent Gave you Bad Advice

When I was a senior in high school I was going to a football game with my friend. Because the game was in the city my mom would not allow me to leave the house in shorts. The temperature that day was 75 degrees. 

When I was a senior in high school I was going to a football game with my friend. Because the game was in the city my mom would not allow me to leave the house in shorts. The temperature that day was 75 degrees.

My mom grew up in a very proper and well off family. My grandmother especially expected things to be done a certain way. We grew up a town over from where my mom did.

Her learned from my grandmother that when you go to the city you wear pants. This should not apply to a football game. To appease my mother I wore jeans. I either wore the shorts under the jeans or brought them with me in the car.

When I got to my friend’s house to pick him up I shed the jeans. The high temperature that day was 75 degrees. It felt much warmer. From that day forward I never wore pants on a hot day again.

There are many times when we should listen to our parents. The way we dress when we get to a certain age should not be one of them. The game was played the day before I turned 18.

My children are currently much younger than that. I would always let them pick out what they wear. I would hold veto power and still let them choose the alternate outfit. Sometimes I would have to lay out two outfits and make them pick.

One of my daughters is very strong willed and stubborn. She likes to wear dresses but refused to wear skirts. I learned quickly as a mostly single father that it was not worth it to argue over that. What was most important is that still is comfortable.

As long as my children look somewhat presentable I work with them on what to wear.

Prompt 103: Describe what you sound like when you’re angry. Take the perspective of someone in earshot behind a closed door, listening .

Prompt 103: Describe what you sound like when you’re angry. Take the perspective of someone in earshot behind a closed door, listening .

What I sound like when I am angry would be a very subjective answer. I have evolved in my ability to control my anger.

Like anyone that has been through a divorce many things about my personality were exaggerated. One of those things was my temper and impulsivity. The hell my divorce put me through mellowed me out in many ways.

The biggest thing I do when I get angry or passionate about anything, in general, is to raise my voice. With ADHD I often get so passionate and wrapped up in making my point I subconsciously tune out what the other person is saying.

What also would have come through in the past was my intention and need to be right. I focused very intently on the principle of everything. Standing on principal is what was important to me. I didn’t look enough at what the person I was arguing with was thinking.

Whoever was in theory behind the closed-door within earshot listening to the argument should have been able to discern that from the argument. I would speak about what was the cool thing, the right thing or what I perceived that I or whoever was on my side of the argument to be treated fairly as the important thing.

I have had to learn the hard way that it is much better to be able to discuss things civilly more than arguing. So many friends and colleagues of mine have had to deal with awful divorces that many of us are numb to arguing.

What should come out of someone who would listen to my arguments that while I might have been angry it is because I am passionate and feels things deeply. I want those close to me to do things the right way. I used to care far too much about what others think.

We all need to do a better job of understanding each other. This has spilled over to the way that arguments are conducted on social media. If we learn how to better debate and not argue, a lot more would get accomplished in the world.