Prompt 44: That relationship that ended: When did it really end? 

Hundreds of Millions of Americans have been through divorce. Some end at a specific time and others erode away over a certain amount of time.

The most important relationship in my life was with my ex-wife. We did many things together including most importantly having children.

I always wondered how our relationship could have been different if we did not have so many obstacles. She has a very controlling sister who gas lighter her against me. I cannot remember being in the presence of her sister without a comment being made against me or our family.

Sadly it took a tragedy for me to realize how much I loved her. I regret not being kinder, most respectful and loving. I also wish I had received the same.

I begged her to put me and the family we created first. Shortly before she contacted a life threatening illness we tried to salvage our marriage with a counselor.

After one of the sessions we were at my parents house and my ex told my parents how important friends were to her single mother growing up. My parents tried to explain to her that having friends and being in a marriage is different from having them and being married.

During the first year of our relationship I was the most important person in her life. After 15 months of dating they changed in a single day and I never felt like the most important person again. It occurred when I was asked to leave her nephews birthday party over $100 I owed to her sister and Brother in law.

We still wound up getting married. It was afraid of being alone. The the majority of our relationship it felt like the feud between our families controlled our marriage. My parents did a lot but it felt like we had to do things their way.

My ex’s sister had a control over her that I never understood and it took priority over everything in our life.

I wanted to be first in her life, but for over 90 percent of our relationship I wasn’t. While our relationship eroded over many years. A pair of incidents truly were when I knew it was over.

While she was still hospitalized she said to me “don’t make me choose (between her and her family)”. I responded to her “I think you already have”.

The other occurred when she moved in with her sister. I took our two oldest children to visit her. Her sister wasn’t home. I was told I would not be allowed to visit or see my wife without someone her or her husband home.

I told my ex that we are married and I would see her if I was going to be treated like a child and have a babysitter. Four months later she filed for separation.

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