Prompt 61: Are you Getting  Better or Worse? Evidence?

Wow! How do any of us answer this question? Is it simple? It is complex? Is this meant to be overall or a specific part of our life.

The answer and response to This question could depend on many factors. When is the writer answering it. What kind of day did they have? Where are they in their life?

When I think of this in relation to myself so many factors come in and what’s the broad scope of the question. If I had answered a few hours ago I likely would have said worse.

It’s so complex of a question. I am definitely in a worse place in my life. I’ve always struggled with depression in my anxiety throughout my entire life. Some understand that but most do not.

I’ve lost a lot in the last five and a half years. All my dreams and hopes have crumbled. The saying is what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Kelly Clarkson made it into a song.

Like all of us in many ways I am better and in many im worse. I hope I’ve grown as a writer and in my cooking. Judging ourselves is never easy. We are the most biased towards ourselves. Some of us are harder on ourselves,  some have inflated egos and think we can do no wrong.

I’ve done many things over the last few years to try to make myself a better person and to become more self-aware. Some have worked others have failed and some have been inconsequential.

I’ve always been better about living each day than long-range planing. Looking ahead doesn’t come easy for me. I’m much better at working with children, doing most domestic chores, cooking and seeing what’s right in front of me.

I wake up each morning and it’s a battle just to get out of bed. Some days are better and easier than others. Many days I wish I could stay in bed all day.

In many ways I see the world differently than I use to. When I would fall for someone I use to fall hard. It’s happened a couple of times in the last year that a woman I really liked and felt a connection with but for whatever reasons the connection fizzled.

In the past I’d be crushed, while it made me sad I wasn’t as devastated as I used to be. I long for that kind of connection again with the right woman. I’ve slowly had to learn that being rejected is often about the other person as it is about you. In this way I’m better.

I’ve also had to work hard on patience and anxiety. Seeing things for as they are and learning to accept things in life are often something we all struggle with. It’s something I am learning to get better at.

In the big picture I am probably about the same. I struggle with many of the same things I always have. No matter where and whatever help I get doesn’t seem to change me. Over the last two years I have probably sought out more different ways to change myself, my thought process and they the way I do things. Change needs to come from within but the hardest thing to do is to retrain our brains how to think.

I still hope to be able to do that and become a better person, whatever that means.

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