This is one of the more complex ones. My perception of how others see me and how I see their perception of me is very different depending on the person.
This isn’t as simple narrowing it down to family, friends, and acquaintances. The family member I talk to the most is my first cousin. He would say that I have a big heart, am loving, smart, know a lot about sports, am caring, but don’t think things through.
He and I text at least three to four times per week. At my wedding, my brother said that I am difficult to get to know. My ex and her family said and portrayed to the judge in my divorce that I am a careless and heartless person and a poor father. That was among the many things they portrayed to the judge. Most of what they said were lies or exaggerations.
My friends would label me much like my cousin who would say that I am loyal, kind, have a good heart, intelligent and caring.
I am a very passionate person and that passion can be very divisive. Some people might use the line from the Rodney Dangerfield movie Back to School. When speaking of his professor played by Sam Kinison Dangerfield’s character Thornton Mellon says “he cares…about what I have no idea”
Through actions by some that have hurt me I have also learned to dislike actions more than people. My self-perception is that I have evolved more in the last few years than I did for most of the rest of my life. There are definitely some in my life that would agree and others that would disagree.
Multiple devastating events in my life over the last five and half years have given me a very different perspective on life. Some would say I have changed while others would say I haven’t. The truth probably applies depending on what part of my life or personality. I’ve matured in a ton of ways, but repeatedly setbacks in life have caused my anxiety to be a constant battle and my depression to worsen.
I often go to the local library to get work done. That would be the most common place for me to have strangers that have seen me on a regular basis. There were many other regulars there, but only one I talked to. He would have nice things to say about me. I told him about the events in my life. He’d probably say I am friendly and talkative.
The other people who were at the library on a regular basis would probably say that I am quiet except for that one man I interacted with.
My own perception of my personality is that I am passionate, loyal, intense, caring, loving, smart, but passive and struggle with anxiety. I still have a lot of life left to live and hope to continue to grow every day.