Prompt 10A: The First Time you Realized that Adults Were not Always Truthful

When I first began writing posts from the 642 Things About me Book I did so by hand in a composition book. Here is one of my original posts that I did not just copy into the blog. The First time I Can remember that adults were not totally truthful…

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When I first began writing posts from the 642 Things About me Book I did so by hand in a composition book. Here is one of my original posts that I did not just copy into the blog. The First time I Can remember that adults were not totally truthful…

Was my sophomore year in high school. My dad’s friend took me to a baseball game and told me he would take me to the all-star game later that summer. He had great seats about two rows behind the home team dugout.

When I inquired about it, he went back on his word. I was incredibly disappointed. It was a historic game. I learned to try and not always take everyone at their word.

 

Prompt 85: When you were young, what would you have found if you dug around in your mom’s drawers, in those places she put things she hoped you wouldn’t find. What did you find, since surely you did that…?

My grandfather once told my mom she was square and my mom, in turn, told me to loosen up when I was a teenager.

My grandfather once told my mom she was square and my mom, in turn, told me to loosen up when I was a teenager.

My mom suggested to me to get my ear pierced. It wasn’t for a lack of trying to find what my parents might be hiding. My mom doesn’t really drink, she smoked cigarettes until I was 15, but on the whole, she is pretty much on the straight and narrow.

The only thing I truly remember finding that my mom hid was Payday bars. It’s definitely her favorite Candy Bar. After we were out of the house she had them in plain view in her pantry.

I took a few every so often, but if she came into my house and took something I’d be very upset. Parents hide a lot of things from children, some more than others and vice versa. It’s debatable if this is good or not. How honest with each other do we need to be.

It’s the old age of lying versus not sharing the entire truth. There are some things in life we don’t need to share with everyone except a partner. Hiding something from a spouse or the person we share life with destroys trust and can erode a relationship.

With parents, it’s debatable if trust should be earned or expected. It goes both ways, how much should a parent trust a child and vice versa. I am glad with my mom, the only thing we found her hiding was a candy bar.

 

Prompt 84: A Moment When you were happy to be the age you were.

The moment I was happy to be the age I was was the first year of my relationship with my ex and the first years after we had our first child, a son.

The moment I was happy to be the age I was the first year of my relationship with my ex and the first years after we had our first child, a son.

I discussed at length in the last post and throughout the blog how much I dreamt of having a family. I still hope to become a writer and dreamt of being a broadcaster growing up and in my twenties, but nothing meant more to me than becoming a husband and father.

The first year of my relationship with my ex and our honeymoon, then three and a half years later when we became parents through right before we had our second was an amazing and special time in my life.

How much do we truly enjoy the special times in life in the moment? Some have a better ability to do that than others. We strive for more money, a bigger house, more friends and especially for a better life for our children.

I loved that time, but probably not enough. I wanted more. I saw others that had more than us and I wanted that. How can we truly be happy if we look at everyone else instead of appreciating what we have?

It’s often hard to see value while we are living life. If we can be happy to be the age we are at a specific time we go a long way towards enjoying life more. That can be a lot easier said than done.

Patrick Stewart’s character Captain John Luc-Picard in Star Trek the Next Generation once spoke about the importance of living in the now and said:

“Time is a companion that goes with us on all of our journeys and reminds us to cherish every moment….After all, We are only mortal.”

Prompt 83: A Moment When You Wanted to Younger Than You Were

The moment I wanted to be younger than I am is less about age and more about being in a better place in my life.

The moment I wanted to be younger than I am is less about age and more about being in a better place in my life.

I’ve spoken extensively about my divorce and the ensuing custody battle I went through. I have often felt through my entire marriage and subsequent failure of it that I married the right person from the wrong family.

Those thoughts have subsided slightly as the more comes out, but I often wonder how much of the decision-making process is my ex and how much is her sister and brother-in-law.

The first year we were dating and then four years later when we had our first son through about six weeks before our second child a daughter was born was bumpy but still the best time in my life. It could have been any age.

I didn’t get married until later than most and had a child older than many people do. My ex used to call the times we would go out with just the two of us and our son. We called it a tridate. We didn’t have a ton of money. It was far more about the time spent together and where we went than what we were doing.

We would go downtown and find a place in an ethnic neighborhood that was reasonable to try. In the summer would attend festivals. It was everything I had spent 20-25 years dreaming about.

I had always wanted to have my own family and raise children with the woman I loved and chose to share my life with. Almost losing her first through an illness and later to her family and then divorce was devastating.

She was eventually laid off from her job 16 months before become sick. It was three days before we moved into a single family home after living in a townhouse for three and a half years. The layoff came less than two months before our daughter and a second child was born.

We received at the time what seemed like the shock of our lives when we became pregnant with twins about three months after child number two was born. We didn’t find out until ten weeks into the pregnancy.

My ex-went back to work three and half months after we had twins. A year to the date she became ill and it changed our life forever. We never got to be a family. I would like to go back to the time when we were a family. It’s something that will be lost forever and something I will likely never get to experience again.

Prompt 82: A moment when you wanted to be older than you were?

The old adage is that we all want to be older when we are growing up and younger once we get there.

The old adage is that we all want to be older when we are growing up and younger once we get there.

For most of my life, it wasn’t that I wanted to be older, it was wanting to get to a place in my life that I had dreamt of since I was 12. From the moment my parents brought my sister home from the hospital I knew I wanted to be a parent.

I am the oldest of four. I have a brother 2.5 years younger and my sister is nearly 12 years younger. I also have another brother who is nearly 17 years younger than I am.

Meeting a woman to spend my life with and having kids and raising them together is something I dreamt about over 20 years. I had to short relationships until I met the mother of my children when I was 33.

We dated for two years before marrying. I was able to slow down the process of having children. She wanted to start right away, I wanted to settle into our marriage. We had our first son nearly 2.5 years into our marriage and almost five years exactly after our first date.

She really wanted to start on number two about a year after our first. Our second child nearly was born nearly 3.5 years after our first. We then had the shock of our lives when we got pregnant less than three months after our second was born.

In retrospect I was I could freeze those years. We never really got to be a family. We had many obstacles. Through it all, I have learned to enjoy the time we are in as much as possible and not rush to the next stage of life. It’s made me focus on what is happening now. That can and has been both a curse and a blessing.

Prompt 78: The Scariest thing is realizing that you are slowly turning into your parents. What does that mean for you?

My parents have had a far less dramatic life with far more love in it from each other and emotional support from family than I have had. If we are referencing this in “scariest” terms there are a lot of things I hope to avoid.

Growing up my mom was one of the most patient, caring, understanding and empathetic people. She was very loving and kind. As she’s aged in many ways she has become her mother.

My mom was far more like my grandfather. My grandmother did not finish college, was judgemental and not very patient. My parents have been through a lot with me, but I feel emotionally abandoned by them.

My father has achieved on a high level his entire life. He has g-d give talents that very few people have. He does not have patience for those that are not high achievers. He is drawn to people in positions of authority and those that are highly successful in a multitude of ways.

I have had to learn through my own struggles as an adult to dislike an act, not a person, to not judge others that are different from us and to try to work with others, not against them.

I have always felt like an outsider in my own family. I have not seen my children for a very long time, but I hope to be able to see them and whoever becomes their partner as they age for the person they are and not their accomplishments.

I want to be there for the important people in my life no matter what. I have been put in a position to be alone. Most people only seem to care when life is either extremely good or bad.

How much to we truly love those close to us and reach out just because? My father has never really been good at being emotionally supportive. He is very guarded with his feelings.  So is my mom.

So is my mom. They likely keep things private. I am the opposite. I am very open with my feelings. I state how I feel and that seems to put many people off. The only way I truly hope to be like my parents as I age is to find someone special to share life with again and to hopefully be able to live comfortably enough to enjoy life.

I have learned that judging others different than us does no one any good.

Prompt 71: Your Memoir is Becoming a Movie Who Should Play You? Desrcibe the Opening Shot

I currently have three chapters of a memoir written and this thought recently came to me. I would choose Ben Affleck.

I currently have three chapters of a memoir written and this thought recently came to me. I would choose Ben Affleck.

I began my memoir when my ex became ill. She is paralyzed from the neck down from an illness. I view the opening shot as Affleck playing me taking care of our four children and calling my mother who would have to be played by Linda Evans. In the 1980’s everyone would comment how my mom looked exactly like her then.

I called my mom when my ex was having what was thought to be a routine procedure. I asked her on the phone to come watch our four children so that I could be at the hospital for my ex. She refused so I was unable to be there.

About two hours later I received a call from the doctors that she woke up from her procedure. The pain she had been suffering from for a week had completely dissipated. This was because she had no feeling from the neck down.

Before this had occurred, the hospital had called me and asked them to get my sister in law and mother in law to stop badgering the doctors.  I had to call my mom again to appraise her of the situation and insist on her coming over to take care of the kids so I could go to the hospital as my ex was rushed from one hospital to another for emergency spinal surgery.

That would end the opening scene. Me, my brother (who is a Doctor), mother in law and sister in law stayed at the hospital all night while the surgery on my ex took place. The opening scene would end at the first hospital. I remember my ex being rolled out on a Gurnee to the ambulance and not being able to talk mouthed “What happened”. It was heartbreaking. The next scene would be at the new hospital.