Prompt 114: How would you be different if you had grown up in great wealth?

Prompt 114: How would you be different if you had grown up in great wealth?

I was very fortunate to grow up in a fairly affluent family. We were far from great wealth, however.

Advertisements

I was very fortunate to grow up in a fairly affluent family. We were far from great wealth, however.

I was lucky enough growing up to not really want for anything that money could buy. My perception of great wealth goes beyond that. I look at some people who come from families that allow them to do the things that drive them or they want to do.

If I had grown up in great wealth it’s likely adulthood would have been impacted greater than my childhood. I would have liked to have started some businesses and set up some charities.

I’ve spent a lot of time throughout my life being involved with charities as much as I can. I haven’t had much wealth as an adult to be able to donate money. I have often donated my time since I didn’t have the money.

I would like to get back to that more. I also wish I had the money to be able to start businesses and to be able to market the services I have.  Having great wealth would almost always put any of us in a better chance to succeed.

Getting the chance is the first and often biggest step to being successful. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it can often make life easier.

I’ve always been a person of many ideas and have a mind that is constantly going. One of the first I ideas I had for a business post college was to start a fantasy football website. I often wonder if I had pursued it where I would be now.

With great wealth, I would have been able to pay someone to help me develop this. My lack of assertiveness has also hurt me throughout my life.

Anxiety has held me back. I get nervous when I had to do anything that might involve rejection. Whether it’s asking out women or in a business setting it’s myself I am often afraid of.

With “great wealth” I might have been more confident in many aspects of my life. It would have hopefully led to more confidence, more assertiveness and maybe more success. The reality is that most of us are not that fortunate.

 

Prompt 111: Describe the one thing you wish you had said and the moment you wish you had said it

Prompt 111: Describe the one thing you wish you had said and the moment you wish you had said it

I have frequently chronicled my issues with anxiety. There is not one thing I wish I had said or a moment I wish I had said it. It’s more the general idea of often being afraid to say things.

My anxiety and lack of self-esteem have held me back from so many things in life. I have had fears about necessary phone calls I need to make, asking out women I like or taking care of things that need to get done.

My life is a constant daily battle of having the confidence to tackle things that need to get done. I often have difficulty getting out of my comfort zone. If I am unsure of something or it makes me feel uncomfortable I very likely will avoid doing something.

This is something I am constantly working on. The strength and weakness of my personality are to be able to focus on a task directly ahead of me. I thrive with day-to-day activities that need to get done.

The irony is that the courts saw this as a detriment to me as a parent. It was far more my strength. Taking care of children requires the ability to get things done. Under a deadline, I thrive. Children force you to constantly work under a deadline.

Getting them ready for school, sometimes preparing their lunches, getting them to activities and appointments are all essential in taking care of them.

I wish I could narrow this down one thing I wish I had said. In general, I just wish I could be more assertive. This applies to most aspects of my life. The two biggest ones are being more assertive with women in public and people at a career networking events.

I am a different person online versus in person. At events, whether it’s a social or business event, I am more likely to wait for someone to talk to me than for me to talk to them.

I am frequently not sure what to do say or consciously and sub-consciously face the fear of rejection. I am working on my confidence and anxiety on a daily basis.

I hope and wish to be able to able to be more confident to be able to get the things done I need to do. This includes phone calls that need to be made, talking to people in a physical setting and the ability to say things when they need to be said.

 

Prompt 110: What Delighted You as a Child? What Disgusted you. Recreate a Scene with you In It Where you Feel One of These Ways.

Prompt 110: What Delighted You as a Child? Recreate a Scene with you In It Where you Feel One of These Ways.

The things that delighted me as a child were sports and being with my friends. It was more about being with them and enjoy common interests than one specific scene.

It’s hard to figure out a scene to recreate that I felt delighted. Sports in general and being with my friends were more than one specific scene. I can think of a few of these moments.

The first was watching the Major League Baseball All-Star Game with friends that came over. I did this for a few years where my friends would come over to watch the game. We had to stop as the game became the day I left for camp.

I remember all of us celebrating one specific play that was amazing. The play kind of came out of nowhere. I don’t want to get deeper into what the play was. I don’t feel comfortable revealing when that was. It was far more about being with my friends and all of

It was far more about being with my friends and all of us being delighted by the play and being able to enjoy the game together.

Another love of my childhood was hiking. I was fortunate to be able to participate in that frequently throughout my tween and teens years.

Getting to the top of the peak with a group of peers was a major accomplishment. We all worked together to get to the top. When other kids lagged behind we would push them in a constructive way to get to the top.

It delighted me to be in nature and to accomplish things that made me feel good about myself for the time being. Most of my childhood when I would feel delighted it would be for a short time.

I always struggled with self-esteem. Being able to do things that delighted me made me feel good about myself in the short term. The long term was and is a struggle.

 

Prompt 106: That time you were bullied nearly to your breaking point. What did you do? What didn’t you do?

Prompt 106: That time you were bullied nearly to your breaking point. What did you do? What didn’t you do?

The time I was bullied to my breaking point was my divorce.

My ex had $13 million reasons to win the divorce. She has substantially more than I do. She used her finances to destroy me nearly every step of the way.

After I received physically custody five months into her filing for divorce she switched attorneys. My attorney at the time had been doing a good job externally but did not treat me with respect.

She often called me names. She told me I was stupid, that I didn’t know what I was doing because I didn’t have a law degree and would often tell me how to parent.

In many ways, I felt bullied by her. About three weeks after my ex hired a new attorney I did the same. The new attorney was nearly completely the opposite. He was kind and respectful by often seemed intimidated by my ex’s new attorney.

Her new attorney was a shark and did whatever she could to get an advantage. One of my sons twice came home from a visit with his mom with bruises up and down his body.

We proved it to the children’s attorney about when the bruises happened. They lied about what happened and when. Nothing was ever done about it.

Throughout the course of the divorce process, they lied and made things up about my family and things that were going on with the kids. The opposing attorney had absolutely no ethics. Her style was to bully her opponent and it worked.

The judge believed everything they said.  Everywhere I went, everything I did or said was used against me. The judge looked at the case as everything I did as negative and everything or someone acting for her did as positive.

Never in my life have I been made to look more ineffective than I was in this case, literally and figuratively. The case was never even. The judge that ruled her way came after new attorneys were hired. After the new judge was appointed I was constantly bullied and my attorney did little to stop it.

When he did try he lost every time.

Prompt 101: You get three do-overs what would they be?

I tend to be a very reflective person that is often full of regret. 
Having gone through a vicious divorce I could say I regret the relationship. What I truly wish I could do over wa how the relationship evolved.
I’ve frequently discussed my dream of getting married, having children and raising a family together. All those dreams were realized. 

What we didn’t no how to do was co-exist in a relationship. Having a do-over and truly lending what made each other happy to thrive in our marriage is something I think about almost everyday. Our children have spent a good portion of their lives going through hell. 

Both families were far too involved in our marriage. I begged her to move to another state. It would preferably been Florida or Arizona. We had family and friends in each state. My do-over would be to go some place to live and focus on the family we created.

It never seemed to be about that though. She said she couldn’t do that to her sister, mother and friends. Like in that order. Sadly it felt like being married to dozens of people and lot just one. I would have done more to make her happy an try and put her first. Hopefully that would have made our relationship better. 

My second do over would be when I volunteered at the World Cup soccer in 1994. I was fortunate enough to volunteer on the field for the opening ceremonies and first game. 

I worked in the office for two months prior to everything opening up. I was asked to be the volunteer coordinator. I was nervous I’d screw up and never get another chance at something like that. 

In reality the opposite happened. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity succeed or fail. Had I done well my entire career and subsequently my life might have gone in another direction. 

As it was I had a great experience, but nothing that led to anything that gave me opportunities I hoped to get as a result of volunteering. 

My final do-over would be when I got in some trouble over a quarrel with a utility worker. I said something I regret did something I should not have done that will impact me the rest of my life. 

It did not involve any physical harm but it is not something I am proud of. I feel very misinderood over what happens and wish I could change my actions. It’s something that will always follow me and not something I can presently change. 

Prompt 99: What you know of your family’s history all told, is it a gift to you or a curse? Defend your arguments.

Prompt 99: What you know of your family’s history all told, is it a gift to you or a curse? Defend your arguments.

Beyond my Grandparents, I do not know much about my family’s history. Living in my father’s shadow has been a gift and a curse.

My father has been successful throughout his life. He is a highly accomplished athlete and was very successful for over 30 years in finance.

My mother always said that he did everything he could to shield us from competition. It was still difficult growing wanting to be as successful as he was. I wanted to reach the things he did or at least the goals I had set for myself.

My parents have been married for 52 years. I have dreamt almost my entire life of getting married and raising a family with a woman I could be close with. Someone to share ideals, ethics, a mutual physical and emotional relationship.,

I knew from a young age what I wanted to do for a career. My career never materialized. My father wanted me to go into finance like he did. One of my brothers did and is doing very well. I tried but it felt like I did have the right mind for it.

Although my father did what he could to steer us away from certain things, he is also very judgemental. He has certain ideas about how people should live life. He often does not understand people who are not like him.

He is extroverted, assertive and athletic. Anyone that is more introverted, not as athletic and that might struggle with physical or mental impairments he doesn’t seem to relate to.

I was diagnosed with dyslexia at a fairly young age. I learned I had ADHD soon after finishing college and anxiety and depression much later. My father would call me sweetness growing up in a sarcastic nod to my fluctuating moods. My mother would call me a martyr or tell me I was saying woe as me. In actuality, it was me dealing with my depression and anxiety.

Almost everything in life internally has been difficult for me. I have struggled with the issues mentioned above. Those have hindered me in almost every way. I have struggled with work and relationships.

I have held three or four jobs for two years or more since being finished with college. Others ones have often not worked out. Dating is a frequent struggled. My marriage was a constant battle.

Dating is a frequent struggle. My marriage was a constant battle. We dated for two years before getting married. We were married nine and a half years when she filed for divorce. The longest relationship I was in other than with her was two and half months.

Since she filed for separation nearly five years ago the most I have been out with one woman was four times in a three-month span.

My entire family beyond my father and siblings are high achievers. It feels like I have to expend a lot of energy just to get through a day. My sister told me that everyone goes through depression and I just have to get through it.

On the whole, because of my family’s lack of understanding me and their level of achievement versus my lack of it, my family’s history and success are more of a curse than a gift.

 

 

Prompt 98: You’re a critic, reviewing the movie of your life. Write a thumbs up review, now write a thumbs down one.

Prompt 98: You’re a critic, reviewing the movie of your life. Write a thumbs up review, now write a thumbs down one.

My life lends perfect to a thumbs up and thumbs down reviews. My life had been a constant of good and not getting to where I would like to be.

The story is one that most people should be able to relate to. The main character is one that has had up and downs in life. We follow the main character from his upper middle-class upbringing through the loss of his children in a bitter custody battle.

The story is depicted with heart and portrays the main character with a sense of realism. We see both his good traits, his flaws and the struggles and triumphs he has throughout his life.

He dreams of finding love and raising a family in addition to becoming successful. The story does a good job of examining success and how that is defined. We take a journey with a character that has a good life from the outside but has dealt with an internal struggle throughout his life.

We see the character as human and someone who has dealt with many of the same issues that we all struggle with every day. Battling depression, ADHD, anxiety and successes, and failures in life the main character is never quite comfortable in his own skin.

We go on a journey of some amazing life experiences through the course of decades. It’s a good family drama that shows us the realism and up and downs we all go through in life.

The journey we go on in this story is often difficult to understand. The main character is often provided with the tools to succeed early in life but is never really able to get to where he wants.

When he does get to a place where he should be grateful he tends to look around at what others have and wonder why he doesn’t. There were often moments when he would be in a place to earn success but makes head scratching decisions to self-sabotage himself. I

It often seems like there is one step forward two steps back. You want to root for success, but then moments happen that you understand what happened to prevent it. At certain times it wasn’t being in the right place at the right time. Other times it was having an opportunity and failing to capitalize.

This is a story you want to root for at times and at others can be very frustrating. It’s not one of overwhelming success or failure that warms your heart with struggle or success. It’s difficult to decide which way the story is going and how you should feel about it.

The movie needs to decide which way the story wants to go. That would allow the viewer to follow along much better.