Prompt 99: What you know of your family’s history all told, is it a gift to you or a curse? Defend your arguments.

Prompt 99: What you know of your family’s history all told, is it a gift to you or a curse? Defend your arguments.

Advertisements

Beyond my Grandparents, I do not know much about my family’s history. Living in my father’s shadow has been a gift and a curse.

My father has been successful throughout his life. He is a highly accomplished athlete and was very successful for over 30 years in finance.

My mother always said that he did everything he could to shield us from competition. It was still difficult growing wanting to be as successful as he was. I wanted to reach the things he did or at least the goals I had set for myself.

My parents have been married for 52 years. I have dreamt almost my entire life of getting married and raising a family with a woman I could be close with. Someone to share ideals, ethics, a mutual physical and emotional relationship.,

I knew from a young age what I wanted to do for a career. My career never materialized. My father wanted me to go into finance like he did. One of my brothers did and is doing very well. I tried but it felt like I did have the right mind for it.

Although my father did what he could to steer us away from certain things, he is also very judgemental. He has certain ideas about how people should live life. He often does not understand people who are not like him.

He is extroverted, assertive and athletic. Anyone that is more introverted, not as athletic and that might struggle with physical or mental impairments he doesn’t seem to relate to.

I was diagnosed with dyslexia at a fairly young age. I learned I had ADHD soon after finishing college and anxiety and depression much later. My father would call me sweetness growing up in a sarcastic nod to my fluctuating moods. My mother would call me a martyr or tell me I was saying woe as me. In actuality, it was me dealing with my depression and anxiety.

Almost everything in life internally has been difficult for me. I have struggled with the issues mentioned above. Those have hindered me in almost every way. I have struggled with work and relationships.

I have held three or four jobs for two years or more since being finished with college. Others ones have often not worked out. Dating is a frequent struggled. My marriage was a constant battle.

Dating is a frequent struggle. My marriage was a constant battle. We dated for two years before getting married. We were married nine and a half years when she filed for divorce. The longest relationship I was in other than with her was two and half months.

Since she filed for separation nearly five years ago the most I have been out with one woman was four times in a three-month span.

My entire family beyond my father and siblings are high achievers. It feels like I have to expend a lot of energy just to get through a day. My sister told me that everyone goes through depression and I just have to get through it.

On the whole, because of my family’s lack of understanding me and their level of achievement versus my lack of it, my family’s history and success are more of a curse than a gift.

 

 

Prompt 94: What’s the Most Consequential Act of Your Life? Good or Bad?

The most consequential act of my life was the moment I sent an instant message to my ex-wife. It was mostly good.

The most consequential act of my life was the moment I sent an instant message to my ex-wife. It was mostly good.

Being with her gave me “the best day(s) of our life”. The best and some of the worst days of my life were being with her. When we were alone its was usually the best. When everyone else got involved is when things were difficult.

What could have been a very inconsequential act and one that would have very easily been long forgotten is one I will always remember. I sat at the computer with my IM box open. I kept going back and forth in my mind whether or not to send her the message.

I had been online dating for about five years. I had been on AOL in the chat rooms and iming women for about seven. We even used AOL and some of the dating sites to find people for our soccer team.

As I contemplated sending the message, I thought about my past successes and failures. Three of my good friends at the time I had met on AOL. Another friend I had met on a dating site.

We have big decisions throughout our lives. Sometimes a small one can change the course of our lives. I finally sent an IM and we messaged that night. About two weeks later we went out for the first time.

We would date for two years and got engaged on our second anniversary. Less than five months later we got married. We had actually basically been engaged for about five or six months by the time I made it official and put a ring on her finger.

The only people who knew were the temple, my mom, and my aunt. My aunt is a professional wedding planner and planned the wedding, my mom helped me with the ring and we had to reserve a date at the temple.

I often think I married the right person from the wrong family. On our second date, she told me her family was in her words “dysfunction junction”. Little did I know just how dysfunctional they were.

There was a woman I was pursuing for nearly two years when I met her. The other woman came from a much more stable family and I often wonder how much different my life would have been.

When I was dating my ex I was never really sure if she was “the one”. What I did know is that I cared about her more than anyone else I had dated. I had gone out with some women after a few dates and then not pursued things.

While I never wanted to hurt any women, with her it was much different. The thought of hurting her was much greater than it was with anyone else.

Sending that instant message changed my life forever. I sent me on the path or getting married, having children with her, having to deal with a life-altering illness she had and her filing for divorce.

As with most people who have been married and specifically those that have been through illness and or divorce, that consequential act of sending the instant message was both good and bad.

Being with her was everything I dreamed of. Unfortunately, the dream turned into a nightmare she gained custody of our children in spite of not being able to take care of them. It had been two years and I haven’t seen them.

What began with love, promise and hope has turned into devastation, loneliness and often despair. As an I near a milestone birthday I search for new ways to define myself and the newest most consequential act of my life.

Prompt 75: Complete this sentence “I wish I had ___________” Now write for another 10 minutes about why.

I wish that I had my family intact. Even through divorce, I asked my ex a few times for us to get together as a family. She said we would confuse our kids.

I wish that I had my family intact. Even through divorce, I asked my ex a few times for us to get together as a family. She said we would confuse our kids.

When parents are not together anymore it shows children that you are capable of putting your disagreements aside for them.

Since I was nearly 12 when my parents brought my sister home from the hospital I wanted to become a parent. I didn’t begin my first long-term relationship until I was 33. Meeting my ex-was a dream come true, or at least I thought so at the time.

When we got engaged and then became parents almost three years later, it was the fulfillment of a dream of over 25 years. Becoming a parent and with someone who had a similar dream was incredible. Watching my ex give birth was amazing and as beautiful and amazing as the stereotypes said it would be.

The first three years of our son’s life was amazing. Our life was mostly about us. My ex created what she called a tri-date. It was when the three of us would go out for dinner or take our son somewhere fun.

Creating life and then raising children with the love of my life was something I had always hoped for. Her family would constantly meddle with how things should be done.

Her sister and her entire family, her mom and a friend had to be there when our son was born. Her mom and sister were in the room when he was born. Two nights later her sister and her husband and children and then their mom were at our house when we brought him home from the hospital.

Nearly three and a half years later when we brought our daughter home from the hospital her mom was extremely upset when my parents and brother came over on father’s day, which also happened to be the day we brought child number two home from the hospital.

It seemed as if from that point on it was never about us. “I wish I had a complete family” or at the very least custody of my children.

Prompt 12: Describe an Accident You’ve Been in. Were you at fault? Who was? What Excuses Were Made? What Were the Lasting Consequences?

We all make mistakes in life and most of us are involved in accidents of some sort. Most accidents hopefully involve material things that’s can be replaced.

I tend to be absent-minded and mistake prone. Things often seem to happen to me that might not happen to others. I’ve been in numerous car accidents throughout his my life, lose things easily and seem to have things break.

Throughout my only term relationship this seemed to happen often. I spilled tea once on her laptop and lost her necklace that she had custom-made, I think overseas. When she was sick our daughter by accident broke a plate she had made with our son.

He got really upset with his sister. Although it cannot be replaced, a new one can be bought or made.

Accidents and mistakes can almost be used interchangeably as words. Things at are said decisions we make can cause far more long-term damage than an accident.

About 18 months into out relationship, my then girlfriend’s sister invited my entire family over for the holidays. Her was insulted my by brother’s wife which seemed to s off a family funded that might last for eternity.

It was followed about six months later (at which points were engaged) by my mother not attended a family function for my fiancé’s sister. This is the same sister who would begin to hold a grudge against my family and constantly make negative comments about them.

This caused a lot of consternation around the planning of our wedding how we should plan the birth of our first child and basically raise them in general and aunt other decisions we were to make seemingly had to go through her sister.

The biggest lasting damage it caused it that it put our children in the middle.

Prompt Number Nine: What’s the Biggest Leap of Faith You’ve Ever Taken

This is the easiest one I have written from this book so far.

I was dating for two years. Numerous times for various reasons I felt like I should break up with her. I had broken up with other women I had dated or didn’t go out again after a few dates. I knew if probably upset some women and maybe relieved others.

It was different this time. She might have been the first person other than a family member to tell me she loves me. It was fairly quickly only about three weeks after we started dating. Some would say that’s too soon. Some say they know instantly.

I’ve had to learn through some very difficult times that we cannot judge what works best for others. Every time I thought about ending the relationship all I could think about is what would it do to her? I used to ask her how she would feel is something happened to me. Her answer was always devastated.

I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her. It took me years before I realized how deep my love was for her. All I knew at that time was that my feelings for her and not wanting to be the one to cause her pain was something I could not get past.

It’s often talked about what the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. This will be analyzed for infinity. No one can truly know.

After we had been dating for about 18 months I was given an ultimatum that we had to be engaged by our anniversary or it was over. I wasnt sure I was ready.

At the time we began dating, there was another woman I had waited for two years to ask out. We went out once with a group of mutual friends for drinks at the beginning of the relationship I had with my then girlfriend.

I wasn’t unsure if my girlfriend was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It felt more about not wanting to be without her then wanting to be with her.

There were countless red flags. Her mother (who I got along with for the most part) heard a rumor I was adopted and instead of coming to me or my parents told her daughter. It took a year of therapy for my eventual wife to talk to my mother about it.

Her family treated me and my family extremely poorly. Her sister took offense to everything and often of petty disagreements. I was once kicked out of a family event of their’s because of money I supposedly owed.

I took the leap of faith to ask her to marry me. I always figured once we got married that she would realize what we have should come before anyone else. It never did, often in difficult times, she put everyone else in her life first.