Prompt 83: A Moment When You Wanted to Younger Than You Were

The moment I wanted to be younger than I am is less about age and more about being in a better place in my life.

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The moment I wanted to be younger than I am is less about age and more about being in a better place in my life.

I’ve spoken extensively about my divorce and the ensuing custody battle I went through. I have often felt through my entire marriage and subsequent failure of it that I married the right person from the wrong family.

Those thoughts have subsided slightly as the more comes out, but I often wonder how much of the decision-making process is my ex and how much is her sister and brother-in-law.

The first year we were dating and then four years later when we had our first son through about six weeks before our second child a daughter was born was bumpy but still the best time in my life. It could have been any age.

I didn’t get married until later than most and had a child older than many people do. My ex used to call the times we would go out with just the two of us and our son. We called it a tridate. We didn’t have a ton of money. It was far more about the time spent together and where we went than what we were doing.

We would go downtown and find a place in an ethnic neighborhood that was reasonable to try. In the summer would attend festivals. It was everything I had spent 20-25 years dreaming about.

I had always wanted to have my own family and raise children with the woman I loved and chose to share my life with. Almost losing her first through an illness and later to her family and then divorce was devastating.

She was eventually laid off from her job 16 months before become sick. It was three days before we moved into a single family home after living in a townhouse for three and a half years. The layoff came less than two months before our daughter and a second child was born.

We received at the time what seemed like the shock of our lives when we became pregnant with twins about three months after child number two was born. We didn’t find out until ten weeks into the pregnancy.

My ex-went back to work three and half months after we had twins. A year to the date she became ill and it changed our life forever. We never got to be a family. I would like to go back to the time when we were a family. It’s something that will be lost forever and something I will likely never get to experience again.

Prompt 71: Your Memoir is Becoming a Movie Who Should Play You? Desrcibe the Opening Shot

I currently have three chapters of a memoir written and this thought recently came to me. I would choose Ben Affleck.

I currently have three chapters of a memoir written and this thought recently came to me. I would choose Ben Affleck.

I began my memoir when my ex became ill. She is paralyzed from the neck down from an illness. I view the opening shot as Affleck playing me taking care of our four children and calling my mother who would have to be played by Linda Evans. In the 1980’s everyone would comment how my mom looked exactly like her then.

I called my mom when my ex was having what was thought to be a routine procedure. I asked her on the phone to come watch our four children so that I could be at the hospital for my ex. She refused so I was unable to be there.

About two hours later I received a call from the doctors that she woke up from her procedure. The pain she had been suffering from for a week had completely dissipated. This was because she had no feeling from the neck down.

Before this had occurred, the hospital had called me and asked them to get my sister in law and mother in law to stop badgering the doctors.  I had to call my mom again to appraise her of the situation and insist on her coming over to take care of the kids so I could go to the hospital as my ex was rushed from one hospital to another for emergency spinal surgery.

That would end the opening scene. Me, my brother (who is a Doctor), mother in law and sister in law stayed at the hospital all night while the surgery on my ex took place. The opening scene would end at the first hospital. I remember my ex being rolled out on a Gurnee to the ambulance and not being able to talk mouthed “What happened”. It was heartbreaking. The next scene would be at the new hospital.

Prompt 68: What is your inner age? Why’d you get stuck there?

The presumption here is that I got stuck at a certain age. My inner age varies for a variety of reasons and factors.

The presumption here is that I got stuck at a certain age. My inner age varies for a variety of reasons and factors.

Many of us can act at different ages at different times. So many factors can contribute to this. Being with children can bring out our silly side. Taking care of them and leading them makes most of us more mature. Depending on a job our inner age can be younger or older.

When we hear a certain song playing it can bring us to a certain time in our life that might have us acting that way as well. Our inner age can and probably should shift and evolve as we do.

An inner age would also probably be different depending on location and circumstances and culture. The definition is so ambiguous. We have become a society that seems so serious and people are often labeled as immature for acting too young.

We have seem to place a greater importance in recent years on getting back to having more of a work/life balance. Having fun and time with family, friends and loves ones has become extremely important.

Having good mental health also contributes to inner age. We should all feel comfortable with ourselves and our environments to get in touch with whatever our inner age is.

My own inner age is up for question. I don’t feel as old as I am. My health physically is probably about where it should be age wise. Mentally I am always striving to grow and become a better person. Getting there often seems to be difficult. We all need to push in life until we really find our true selves.