Prompt 103: Describe what you sound like when you’re angry. Take the perspective of someone in earshot behind a closed door, listening .

Prompt 103: Describe what you sound like when you’re angry. Take the perspective of someone in earshot behind a closed door, listening .

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What I sound like when I am angry would be a very subjective answer. I have evolved in my ability to control my anger.

Like anyone that has been through a divorce many things about my personality were exaggerated. One of those things was my temper and impulsivity. The hell my divorce put me through mellowed me out in many ways.

The biggest thing I do when I get angry or passionate about anything, in general, is to raise my voice. With ADHD I often get so passionate and wrapped up in making my point I subconsciously tune out what the other person is saying.

What also would have come through in the past was my intention and need to be right. I focused very intently on the principle of everything. Standing on principal is what was important to me. I didn’t look enough at what the person I was arguing with was thinking.

Whoever was in theory behind the closed-door within earshot listening to the argument should have been able to discern that from the argument. I would speak about what was the cool thing, the right thing or what I perceived that I or whoever was on my side of the argument to be treated fairly as the important thing.

I have had to learn the hard way that it is much better to be able to discuss things civilly more than arguing. So many friends and colleagues of mine have had to deal with awful divorces that many of us are numb to arguing.

What should come out of someone who would listen to my arguments that while I might have been angry it is because I am passionate and feels things deeply. I want those close to me to do things the right way. I used to care far too much about what others think.

We all need to do a better job of understanding each other. This has spilled over to the way that arguments are conducted on social media. If we learn how to better debate and not argue, a lot more would get accomplished in the world.

Prompt 74: What is the Meanest thing you’ve said or done to someone else.

The old adage is that the pen is mightier than the Sword. We all have said and/or done things we wish we could take back. They often occur with those we love most.

The old adage is that the pen is mightier than the Sword. We all have said and/or done things we wish we could take back. They often occur with those we love most.

I cannot narrow down one thing that is the meanest thing I have ever said or done. I can remember two events that stick out in the meanest thing I have ever done.

When I was in eighth grade there was a woman who was overweight. Some friends and I called her fat. At fourteen should we have responsibility for what we say or are we young and naive and don’t understand the power of our words?

The truth is probably somewhere in between. After we said it, she went out of the classroom crying. I remember it being in science class. It’s something I have always regretting saying since. I am friends with the woman on facebook. She no longer lives in the area.

She is married with children and I am glad to see she is living a seemingly normal life. We often don’t know how what we do or say can impact a person’s life.

The other event came as an adult. Arguments with our significant others can often hurt the most. This is the person who is supposed to love us, protect us and be our most loyal confident.

Do we even remember what causes most disagreements in a relationship? We had many. There were a lot of obstacles in our relationship. The particular argument in question I don’t even remember what the original cause was.

This particular disagreement occurred in what became a turbulent summer for us. Before I got in some trouble and she became very sick from an illness in the middle of an argument I said ” I hope you die”

I had even thought that about another person only once in my life. That came in sixth grade and my best friend’s father would not allow us to play basketball in their driveway because they had just put new sod down. I was upset and thought to myself I hope he dies.

A relatively short time after that my friend’s sister who was only a year or two older than us found their father passed out in the shower. He had a heart attack and died at the age of 38.

Since that time I had tried as much as I could to carefully choose my words. These are not thoughts and actions I am proud of. We can all learn from our mistakes at any age. It’s often difficult to think something through in the heat of the moment. Everyone has done or said something in their life they would like to take back. As we get older, hopefully, those actions diminish.

Prompt 71: Your Memoir is Becoming a Movie Who Should Play You? Desrcibe the Opening Shot

I currently have three chapters of a memoir written and this thought recently came to me. I would choose Ben Affleck.

I currently have three chapters of a memoir written and this thought recently came to me. I would choose Ben Affleck.

I began my memoir when my ex became ill. She is paralyzed from the neck down from an illness. I view the opening shot as Affleck playing me taking care of our four children and calling my mother who would have to be played by Linda Evans. In the 1980’s everyone would comment how my mom looked exactly like her then.

I called my mom when my ex was having what was thought to be a routine procedure. I asked her on the phone to come watch our four children so that I could be at the hospital for my ex. She refused so I was unable to be there.

About two hours later I received a call from the doctors that she woke up from her procedure. The pain she had been suffering from for a week had completely dissipated. This was because she had no feeling from the neck down.

Before this had occurred, the hospital had called me and asked them to get my sister in law and mother in law to stop badgering the doctors.  I had to call my mom again to appraise her of the situation and insist on her coming over to take care of the kids so I could go to the hospital as my ex was rushed from one hospital to another for emergency spinal surgery.

That would end the opening scene. Me, my brother (who is a Doctor), mother in law and sister in law stayed at the hospital all night while the surgery on my ex took place. The opening scene would end at the first hospital. I remember my ex being rolled out on a Gurnee to the ambulance and not being able to talk mouthed “What happened”. It was heartbreaking. The next scene would be at the new hospital.

Prompt 70: How Would Your Friends Describe Your Personality? How Would Family Members Describe it? What About Strangers-the barista, the gas station attendant?

This is one of the more complex ones. My perception of how others see me and how I see their perception of me is very different depending on the person.

This isn’t as simple narrowing it down to family, friends, and acquaintances. The family member I talk to the most is my first cousin. He would say that I have a big heart, am loving, smart, know a lot about sports, am caring, but don’t think things through.

He and I text at least three to four times per week. At my wedding, my brother said that I am difficult to get to know. My ex and her family said and portrayed to the judge in my divorce that I am a careless and heartless person and a poor father. That was among the many things they portrayed to the judge. Most of what they said were lies or exaggerations.

My friends would label me much like my cousin who would say that I am loyal, kind, have a good heart, intelligent and caring.

I am a very passionate person and that passion can be very divisive. Some people might use the line from the Rodney Dangerfield movie Back to School. When speaking of his professor played by Sam Kinison Dangerfield’s character Thornton Mellon says “he cares…about what I have no idea”

I have learned through a lot of hardship and seeing others struggle over the years to sometimes not speak my opinion, not be so judgemental, care about others and respect them more. It’s not always important to be right. Not every mistake needs to be corrected. If someone else says something and its wrong, it’s ok to keep it to yourself.

Through actions by some that have hurt me I have also learned to dislike actions more than people. My self-perception is that I have evolved more in the last few years than I did for most of the rest of my life. There are definitely some in my life that would agree and others that would disagree.

Multiple devastating events in my life over the last five and half years have given me a very different perspective on life. Some would say I have changed while others would say I haven’t. The truth probably applies depending on what part of my life or personality. I’ve matured in a ton of ways, but repeatedly setbacks in life have caused my anxiety to be a constant battle and my depression to worsen.

I often go to the local library to get work done. That would be the most common place for me to have strangers that have seen me on a regular basis. There were many other regulars there, but only one I talked to. He would have nice things to say about me. I told him about the events in my life. He’d probably say I am friendly and talkative.

The other people who were at the library on a regular basis would probably say that I am quiet except for that one man I interacted with.

My own perception of my personality is that I am passionate, loyal, intense, caring, loving, smart, but passive and struggle with anxiety. I still have a lot of life left to live and hope to continue to grow every day.

Prompt 69: When was the last time you were wrong?

This might be the easiest question yet. Since this is March, many if not most of us are wrong a lot.

This might be the easiest question yet. Since this is March, many if not most of us are wrong a lot.

Picking brackets in the NCAA Tournament in March had become one of the greatest american past times. Sixty-seven games in 21 days played by 68 teams. Picking the winners of the NCAA Tournament can often proven difficult. It’s fun yet, stressful.

If you went to a school that has a team in the Tournament its often even more stressful. Your school is a favorite? Do you pick them knowing they will play the favorite from State University in the first few rounds?

The adage in gambling is to pick with your heart not your head. It’s virtually impossible to pick every game right. Forty million Americans fill out a total of 70 million brackets and everyone will be wrong multiple times.

My most recent time being wrong was tonight when Kentucky defeated UCLA. The other teams I had winning the games tonight didn’t even play. The challenge of just figuring it out and the years of doing well make it all worth it. The best reality show at most times of the the year are still sports.

Every time we watch a game we are likely to make predictions and second guess our favorite team, coach and players. Each time we watch we are likely to be wrong.

Prompt 61: Are you Getting  Better or Worse? Evidence?

Wow! How do any of us answer this question? Is it simple? It is complex? Is this meant to be overall or a specific part of our life.

The answer and response to This question could depend on many factors. When is the writer answering it. What kind of day did they have? Where are they in their life?

When I think of this in relation to myself so many factors come in and what’s the broad scope of the question. If I had answered a few hours ago I likely would have said worse.

It’s so complex of a question. I am definitely in a worse place in my life. I’ve always struggled with depression in my anxiety throughout my entire life. Some understand that but most do not.

I’ve lost a lot in the last five and a half years. All my dreams and hopes have crumbled. The saying is what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Kelly Clarkson made it into a song.

Like all of us in many ways I am better and in many im worse. I hope I’ve grown as a writer and in my cooking. Judging ourselves is never easy. We are the most biased towards ourselves. Some of us are harder on ourselves,  some have inflated egos and think we can do no wrong.

I’ve done many things over the last few years to try to make myself a better person and to become more self-aware. Some have worked others have failed and some have been inconsequential.

I’ve always been better about living each day than long-range planing. Looking ahead doesn’t come easy for me. I’m much better at working with children, doing most domestic chores, cooking and seeing what’s right in front of me.

I wake up each morning and it’s a battle just to get out of bed. Some days are better and easier than others. Many days I wish I could stay in bed all day.

In many ways I see the world differently than I use to. When I would fall for someone I use to fall hard. It’s happened a couple of times in the last year that a woman I really liked and felt a connection with but for whatever reasons the connection fizzled.

In the past I’d be crushed, while it made me sad I wasn’t as devastated as I used to be. I long for that kind of connection again with the right woman. I’ve slowly had to learn that being rejected is often about the other person as it is about you. In this way I’m better.

I’ve also had to work hard on patience and anxiety. Seeing things for as they are and learning to accept things in life are often something we all struggle with. It’s something I am learning to get better at.

In the big picture I am probably about the same. I struggle with many of the same things I always have. No matter where and whatever help I get doesn’t seem to change me. Over the last two years I have probably sought out more different ways to change myself, my thought process and they the way I do things. Change needs to come from within but the hardest thing to do is to retrain our brains how to think.

I still hope to be able to do that and become a better person, whatever that means.

Prompt 56: What’s Something People Do You Think Should Be Outlawed?

This can be such a broad reaching question. There is a reason that the first amendment is largely freedom of speech. That said, The excess to which hate speech and hate crimes are on the rise is troubling. 

The proliferation of social media and the last presidential election cycle have brought to light the amount of hate there is in United States.

Are we doing enough to curb hate speech and hate crime? Where should it start and where should it end? The United States was built on freedom of speech. It’s one of the most important tenets of the bill of rights.

Freedom of speech has it limits though. You can’t yell fire in a theater, you can’t threaten people and you cannot say thing that would damage someone’s reputation that is untrue.

The proliferation of social media has made all of our opinions more public. It’s also had to hate spreading much quicker. Being able to outlaw hate although extremely complex could help to curb a lot of what is currently going n in the United States currently.

It’s permeated seemingly into everything we do. The 2016 president election seemed to be run on hate. Is it a microcosm of society or did the hate grow from the campaign. The answer is likely both.

If we are truly “going to make America great again” getting rid of hate and promoting others to be able to understand our differences and celebrate our similarities.

People are beginning to be held accountable in their jobs for various social media rants. Companies are be held too much higher standards in regards to social responsibility.

The next step is society. Where do we draw the line. Not allowing people to speak their opinions as long as their actions doesn’t match their hate filled speech is a dangerous slope. Which way do we go?

If it’s a prominent public figure a lot of what they say and do can incite others to act on hate. How do we regulate that? Figuring that out as we evolve as a society is going to be important to improve as a global as well as a domestic society.