Prompt 115: You Awake in Your Childhood bed. You just had a nightmare. What did you dream about?

Prompt 115: You Awake in Your Childhood bed. You just had a nightmare. What did you dream about?


I have generally had a hard time dealing with abstract thoughts. I deal much better in reality. The second of my four divorce attorneys told me I was living a nightmare.

Little did he know how much worse it could get. At the time I lost him I still had custody of my children. Losing them was devastating. I often have dreams about my in-laws. They have destroyed me. Life could certainly become much worse than it is now. I feel like I am living a nightmare.

In many ways, my life is a nightmare. It’s hard to imagine waking up in my childhood bed and it being a nightmare. If we are only talking in terms of the bed specifically I would not want to wake in my childhood bed versus the bed I sleep in now.

I presently sleep in a queen size bed. My childhood bed was a trundle twin bed. Other than my last year of college I slept in a twin bed until I was 29. I can’t imagine having to go back to sleeping in a twin bed.

I was a very heavy sleeper as a child. I can’t visualize nightmares that I had. I remember one storm we had. My bedroom overlooked the patio in the backyard. I looked out in the morning after sleeping through the night and all the patio furniture was strewn all over the place. It’s amazing I did not wake up.

Things that would have kept me up at night as a child was anything that involved being assertive. Stepping out of my comfort zone heightens my anxiety. That remains true today.

Although I had a good childhood a lot of my thoughts from then have faded. I can remember being teased often by schoolmates.

I was told my epidermis is showing, pushed to do things I that made me look and feel foolish and generally felt like an outsider. Having to wake up in my childhood bed and going through that would ultimately be what would cause a nightmare in my childhood bed.

There are some events from my childhood I would love to relive. On the whole, I don’t want to go back there.

One of the biggest things I am proud of is going rappelling off a 100-foot cliff in Israel. It was totally out of character. I was then and still am afraid of heights.


Prompt 111: Describe the one thing you wish you had said and the moment you wish you had said it

Prompt 111: Describe the one thing you wish you had said and the moment you wish you had said it

I have frequently chronicled my issues with anxiety. There is not one thing I wish I had said or a moment I wish I had said it. It’s more the general idea of often being afraid to say things.

My anxiety and lack of self-esteem have held me back from so many things in life. I have had fears about necessary phone calls I need to make, asking out women I like or taking care of things that need to get done.

My life is a constant daily battle of having the confidence to tackle things that need to get done. I often have difficulty getting out of my comfort zone. If I am unsure of something or it makes me feel uncomfortable I very likely will avoid doing something.

This is something I am constantly working on. The strength and weakness of my personality are to be able to focus on a task directly ahead of me. I thrive with day-to-day activities that need to get done.

The irony is that the courts saw this as a detriment to me as a parent. It was far more my strength. Taking care of children requires the ability to get things done. Under a deadline, I thrive. Children force you to constantly work under a deadline.

Getting them ready for school, sometimes preparing their lunches, getting them to activities and appointments are all essential in taking care of them.

I wish I could narrow this down one thing I wish I had said. In general, I just wish I could be more assertive. This applies to most aspects of my life. The two biggest ones are being more assertive with women in public and people at a career networking events.

I am a different person online versus in person. At events, whether it’s a social or business event, I am more likely to wait for someone to talk to me than for me to talk to them.

I am frequently not sure what to do say or consciously and sub-consciously face the fear of rejection. I am working on my confidence and anxiety on a daily basis.

I hope and wish to be able to able to be more confident to be able to get the things done I need to do. This includes phone calls that need to be made, talking to people in a physical setting and the ability to say things when they need to be said.


Prompt 99: What you know of your family’s history all told, is it a gift to you or a curse? Defend your arguments.

Prompt 99: What you know of your family’s history all told, is it a gift to you or a curse? Defend your arguments.

Beyond my Grandparents, I do not know much about my family’s history. Living in my father’s shadow has been a gift and a curse.

My father has been successful throughout his life. He is a highly accomplished athlete and was very successful for over 30 years in finance.

My mother always said that he did everything he could to shield us from competition. It was still difficult growing wanting to be as successful as he was. I wanted to reach the things he did or at least the goals I had set for myself.

My parents have been married for 52 years. I have dreamt almost my entire life of getting married and raising a family with a woman I could be close with. Someone to share ideals, ethics, a mutual physical and emotional relationship.,

I knew from a young age what I wanted to do for a career. My career never materialized. My father wanted me to go into finance like he did. One of my brothers did and is doing very well. I tried but it felt like I did have the right mind for it.

Although my father did what he could to steer us away from certain things, he is also very judgemental. He has certain ideas about how people should live life. He often does not understand people who are not like him.

He is extroverted, assertive and athletic. Anyone that is more introverted, not as athletic and that might struggle with physical or mental impairments he doesn’t seem to relate to.

I was diagnosed with dyslexia at a fairly young age. I learned I had ADHD soon after finishing college and anxiety and depression much later. My father would call me sweetness growing up in a sarcastic nod to my fluctuating moods. My mother would call me a martyr or tell me I was saying woe as me. In actuality, it was me dealing with my depression and anxiety.

Almost everything in life internally has been difficult for me. I have struggled with the issues mentioned above. Those have hindered me in almost every way. I have struggled with work and relationships.

I have held three or four jobs for two years or more since being finished with college. Others ones have often not worked out. Dating is a frequent struggled. My marriage was a constant battle.

Dating is a frequent struggle. My marriage was a constant battle. We dated for two years before getting married. We were married nine and a half years when she filed for divorce. The longest relationship I was in other than with her was two and half months.

Since she filed for separation nearly five years ago the most I have been out with one woman was four times in a three-month span.

My entire family beyond my father and siblings are high achievers. It feels like I have to expend a lot of energy just to get through a day. My sister told me that everyone goes through depression and I just have to get through it.

On the whole, because of my family’s lack of understanding me and their level of achievement versus my lack of it, my family’s history and success are more of a curse than a gift.



Prompt 70: How Would Your Friends Describe Your Personality? How Would Family Members Describe it? What About Strangers-the barista, the gas station attendant?

This is one of the more complex ones. My perception of how others see me and how I see their perception of me is very different depending on the person.

This isn’t as simple narrowing it down to family, friends, and acquaintances. The family member I talk to the most is my first cousin. He would say that I have a big heart, am loving, smart, know a lot about sports, am caring, but don’t think things through.

He and I text at least three to four times per week. At my wedding, my brother said that I am difficult to get to know. My ex and her family said and portrayed to the judge in my divorce that I am a careless and heartless person and a poor father. That was among the many things they portrayed to the judge. Most of what they said were lies or exaggerations.

My friends would label me much like my cousin who would say that I am loyal, kind, have a good heart, intelligent and caring.

I am a very passionate person and that passion can be very divisive. Some people might use the line from the Rodney Dangerfield movie Back to School. When speaking of his professor played by Sam Kinison Dangerfield’s character Thornton Mellon says “he cares…about what I have no idea”

I have learned through a lot of hardship and seeing others struggle over the years to sometimes not speak my opinion, not be so judgemental, care about others and respect them more. It’s not always important to be right. Not every mistake needs to be corrected. If someone else says something and its wrong, it’s ok to keep it to yourself.

Through actions by some that have hurt me I have also learned to dislike actions more than people. My self-perception is that I have evolved more in the last few years than I did for most of the rest of my life. There are definitely some in my life that would agree and others that would disagree.

Multiple devastating events in my life over the last five and half years have given me a very different perspective on life. Some would say I have changed while others would say I haven’t. The truth probably applies depending on what part of my life or personality. I’ve matured in a ton of ways, but repeatedly setbacks in life have caused my anxiety to be a constant battle and my depression to worsen.

I often go to the local library to get work done. That would be the most common place for me to have strangers that have seen me on a regular basis. There were many other regulars there, but only one I talked to. He would have nice things to say about me. I told him about the events in my life. He’d probably say I am friendly and talkative.

The other people who were at the library on a regular basis would probably say that I am quiet except for that one man I interacted with.

My own perception of my personality is that I am passionate, loyal, intense, caring, loving, smart, but passive and struggle with anxiety. I still have a lot of life left to live and hope to continue to grow every day.

Prompt 51: What Relative are you Most Similar? Describe Your Similarities. 

The relative to whom I am most alike is my son. 

My son and I have an amazing amount of similar traits. Anxiety has been a huge of my life. I was always nervous around the opposite sex and would cower about approaching a woman in a bar, at a party or asking a woman out that I already knew.

I’ve frequently said that I am afraid of my own shadow. My son has many of the same things I struggle with. His shadow is afraid of its shadow. He doesn’t like to take chances and is very guarded in what he does. Even playing soccer he would get nervous when the ball came near him.

In addition to anxiety we both struggle with attention issues and have bleeding disorder. We are both very compassionate, loyal,  wrong and have many of the same interests.

A few years ago I took my kids sledding. My son would not go down by himself. He waited for adult to go down with him on the sled. My daughter who was five and at the time and is fearless took the sled and not only went down by herself, but did it head first.

I hope that as he gets older my son will be able to get past his issues better than I have.

Prompt 33: Write a One-Page Synopsis of Your Life. It’s for Someone Who’s in a Hurry and Not Particularly Interested.

I have lived an ordinary life with some extraordinary experiences.

I have lived an ordinary life with some extraordinary experiences.

I grew up in two affluent suburbs. I loved where I grew up and loved where I went to high school. I was a below average student and average athlete.

I was never good enough to play high school sports and I was barely a good enough athlete to get into college.

I have been lucky as an adult to travel to some historic locations and participate and attend in some amazing events.

I grew up as part of a high achieving family. It’s something I generally am not. My family doesn’t always accept the average person. They expect success and often don’t accept those that don’t reach their level of success.

The majority of my life I have had to deal with significant anxiety and mild depression. It’s something I battle everyday. It often makes getting things done tougher and takes far greater effort for me than the average person.

The last few years have been particularly difficult. I had to go through an illness with my ex, holding our family together as a result, her filing for divorce and then getting custody. This exacerbated my anxiety and depression. Relationships of all kinds have always come difficult for me.

I’ve never fit into my family. Most of them have not so transparently looked down on me. I don’t fit into their mold of what someone should be. I’ve been called a martyr by my mother and lazy by my father.

I’ve always struggled to find a way to fit in with whatever group I am a part of. This includes, family, friends, work, school etc. As a writer maybe I am better off staying to myself and continuing to write.

Prompt One: Letter to a Teacher Asking for Help

The first prompt is “Write a letter to a teacher (or coach) who made a difference in your life asking him or her for help. What are you asking for? Why?

Dear C

I am writing to you to help me get through what has been a devastating five and half years. I’ve suffered through tremendous tragedy and loss. A lot of this was my own undoing and other aspects were out of my control. crime, a medical tragedy, divorce and a vicious custody has left me a shell of myself, whatever that was.

I’ve lost the most important people in my life. I’ve had to hit a major reset button on my own life. I have done a lot of reflecting, re-evaluating and deep soul-searching to figure myself out. As I look back on my life I’ve always struggled getting things done, questioned my purpose in life and have had low self-esteem. As mental health issues become more accepted I know that anxiety and depression are big reasons for my struggles.

I have always searched for answers about myself and who I might be and who I am. I’ve been told I have ADHD, depression and anxiety. Its been doubted if I have bi-polar. Could I be Bi-Polar II? I’ve never had an extreme manic episode or anything that would approach paranoia or schizophrenia.

I need someone to help me find a good psychologist, psychiatrist, mental health professional or anyone else that can help get me to a place where I can learn the tools I need to get to a better place to become a more productive member of society. I want to be happy, to be able to find work that allows me to become more successful and self-reliant.

You’re leadership and mentorship have played a huge part in my life and have put me in a good place for the few times in my life I’ve felt good about myself. You are one of the few people in my life that do not judge me, that believes in me and that accepts me unconditionally.

I really need to be able to get to a professional that can give me the right tools to get me to a healthy place mentally.

I really appreciate anything you can do.

Sincerely, 642