Prompt 108: What’s the Biggest Letdown you can’t let go of?

The biggest letdown I cannot let go of is my the battles in my divorce. It’s the nightmare that keeps on giving.

The biggest letdown I cannot let go of is my the battles in my divorce. It’s the nightmare that keeps on giving.

Nearly six years ago, my ex-wife became paralyzed from an illness. Eleven months later she filed for divorce. Nearly three years after that she got custody of our children. About two more years and the judge awarded her my house I bought when we were legally separated. At the time I had custody of our children.

In the nearly four years from the time of her illness her family got power of attorney over her, worked with her to file for divorce, got custody of the children and now my house. I am beyond devastated. Having my own house was the last thing I had of comfort.

Being at home has provided me more than shelter. It’s a place I can call my own. I love my neighborhood, town and the deck I have in the backyard. I have sat outside often this summer to write. On a beautiful summer day, it’s really nice to be able to do that.

I wrote earlier this week on my other personal blog about being numb. Her family, specifically her sister and brother-in-law seemingly won’t stop until they get everything and I am destroyed.

I do not know where I will live. No one in my ex’s family has even stepped foot in my house much less lived her. It’s hard to understand what the judge and the court system are thinking. Those close to me feel the same. The one word I have frequently used throughout the divorce process is illogical. That applies to many if not most divorce cases.

I have lost everything important to me. I don’t know what I will do next. I currently work part time in two jobs. I do courier work and always am looking for more clients. I also am a blogger.

I’ve thought about where my life will lead me next. I have never been comfortable in my own shoes. My lack of self-esteem likely hurt my marriage. I have been able to accept the end of the relationship. Everything else involving the divorce has crushed my mental health.

Losing my children and now my house makes me shake my head. I am just not sure where, when, what and how my life will hold next. It astonishes me how many divorces are more about vengeance than what’s best for the children and/or just moving on and being able to begin the next phase of your life.

 

Prompt 106: That time you were bullied nearly to your breaking point. What did you do? What didn’t you do?

Prompt 106: That time you were bullied nearly to your breaking point. What did you do? What didn’t you do?

The time I was bullied to my breaking point was my divorce.

My ex had $13 million reasons to win the divorce. She has substantially more than I do. She used her finances to destroy me nearly every step of the way.

After I received physically custody five months into her filing for divorce she switched attorneys. My attorney at the time had been doing a good job externally but did not treat me with respect.

She often called me names. She told me I was stupid, that I didn’t know what I was doing because I didn’t have a law degree and would often tell me how to parent.

In many ways, I felt bullied by her. About three weeks after my ex hired a new attorney I did the same. The new attorney was nearly completely the opposite. He was kind and respectful by often seemed intimidated by my ex’s new attorney.

Her new attorney was a shark and did whatever she could to get an advantage. One of my sons twice came home from a visit with his mom with bruises up and down his body.

We proved it to the children’s attorney about when the bruises happened. They lied about what happened and when. Nothing was ever done about it.

Throughout the course of the divorce process, they lied and made things up about my family and things that were going on with the kids. The opposing attorney had absolutely no ethics. Her style was to bully her opponent and it worked.

The judge believed everything they said.  Everywhere I went, everything I did or said was used against me. The judge looked at the case as everything I did as negative and everything or someone acting for her did as positive.

Never in my life have I been made to look more ineffective than I was in this case, literally and figuratively. The case was never even. The judge that ruled her way came after new attorneys were hired. After the new judge was appointed I was constantly bullied and my attorney did little to stop it.

When he did try he lost every time.

Prompt 105: A time you’ve been ashamed of yourself

The time I was ashamed of myself was when I was arrested for trying to reason with a utility worker who came to my house.

One of our utilities was turned off. I thought my then wife had paid the bill and she thought I did. A woman came to our house to reinstate the utility. When she went to turn it back on, she said she was unable to do so.

I tried to reason with the woman. I closed the door to my house and asked the woman can’t we work this out. She called her dispatcher. I immediately opened the door and let her out.

I said some things I now regret. After calling her dispatcher, the police were notified. They came to my house and I was charged with keeping the woman against her will. The entire thing was 30 seconds.

It is something that changed the course of my life. My eventual conviction has kept me from finding work, played a major role in the end of my marriage and likely cost me custody of my children.

One 30 second mistake has influenced the remainder of my life. We all have things in our life we are embarrassed or ashamed of. Many or most don’t have to have it have a major impact on the rest of their life going forward.

I wish potential employers, romantic interests, and the court could look past my mistake. I regret it tremendously. I did not hurt anyone. I hope if someone commits the same mistake in the future they will not be judged as harshly as I was.

We often judge people based on a piece of paper. One action in our life should not define us as a person. We should be judged by the entire sum of our actions throughout our lifetime.

I hope that in the future this will be the case.

Prompt 83: A Moment When You Wanted to Younger Than You Were

The moment I wanted to be younger than I am is less about age and more about being in a better place in my life.

The moment I wanted to be younger than I am is less about age and more about being in a better place in my life.

I’ve spoken extensively about my divorce and the ensuing custody battle I went through. I have often felt through my entire marriage and subsequent failure of it that I married the right person from the wrong family.

Those thoughts have subsided slightly as the more comes out, but I often wonder how much of the decision-making process is my ex and how much is her sister and brother-in-law.

The first year we were dating and then four years later when we had our first son through about six weeks before our second child a daughter was born was bumpy but still the best time in my life. It could have been any age.

I didn’t get married until later than most and had a child older than many people do. My ex used to call the times we would go out with just the two of us and our son. We called it a tridate. We didn’t have a ton of money. It was far more about the time spent together and where we went than what we were doing.

We would go downtown and find a place in an ethnic neighborhood that was reasonable to try. In the summer would attend festivals. It was everything I had spent 20-25 years dreaming about.

I had always wanted to have my own family and raise children with the woman I loved and chose to share my life with. Almost losing her first through an illness and later to her family and then divorce was devastating.

She was eventually laid off from her job 16 months before become sick. It was three days before we moved into a single family home after living in a townhouse for three and a half years. The layoff came less than two months before our daughter and a second child was born.

We received at the time what seemed like the shock of our lives when we became pregnant with twins about three months after child number two was born. We didn’t find out until ten weeks into the pregnancy.

My ex-went back to work three and half months after we had twins. A year to the date she became ill and it changed our life forever. We never got to be a family. I would like to go back to the time when we were a family. It’s something that will be lost forever and something I will likely never get to experience again.

Prompt 75: Complete this sentence “I wish I had ___________” Now write for another 10 minutes about why.

I wish that I had my family intact. Even through divorce, I asked my ex a few times for us to get together as a family. She said we would confuse our kids.

I wish that I had my family intact. Even through divorce, I asked my ex a few times for us to get together as a family. She said we would confuse our kids.

When parents are not together anymore it shows children that you are capable of putting your disagreements aside for them.

Since I was nearly 12 when my parents brought my sister home from the hospital I wanted to become a parent. I didn’t begin my first long-term relationship until I was 33. Meeting my ex-was a dream come true, or at least I thought so at the time.

When we got engaged and then became parents almost three years later, it was the fulfillment of a dream of over 25 years. Becoming a parent and with someone who had a similar dream was incredible. Watching my ex give birth was amazing and as beautiful and amazing as the stereotypes said it would be.

The first three years of our son’s life was amazing. Our life was mostly about us. My ex created what she called a tri-date. It was when the three of us would go out for dinner or take our son somewhere fun.

Creating life and then raising children with the love of my life was something I had always hoped for. Her family would constantly meddle with how things should be done.

Her sister and her entire family, her mom and a friend had to be there when our son was born. Her mom and sister were in the room when he was born. Two nights later her sister and her husband and children and then their mom were at our house when we brought him home from the hospital.

Nearly three and a half years later when we brought our daughter home from the hospital her mom was extremely upset when my parents and brother came over on father’s day, which also happened to be the day we brought child number two home from the hospital.

It seemed as if from that point on it was never about us. “I wish I had a complete family” or at the very least custody of my children.

Prompt 45: Your Worst Enemy Writes His/Her Memoir. There’s a Whole Chapter Devoted to you, How does it begin?

The first six months or so of my divorce began ugly and set the tone for what would become an ugly divorce.

It did not take a memoir for me to imagine how a chapter devoted to me would begin. I don’t really view anyone as an enemy.

Eleven months before my ex filed for divorce she became ill and would require months of hospitalization. I viewed it as a chance to show how much we loved each other.

Her brother in law never liked me or my family and her sister would follow in line about a year later.

Everything they did was based on vengeance and revenge. My mom couldn’t make an event to go honkr their son, three years later they refused to come to an brunch my mom threw when they when my wife and I had our first.

Earlier than that I could not afford to help my pay for my ex’s bday party so they when kept me out of their son’s bday party.

Everything they did and do was based on getting vengeance for those who wrong them and praise anything they perceived as good.

They did everything they could to make me look like a monster and basically succeeded. My ex had a sorority sister they worked in the corporate office of where our children went to pre-school.

After she filed for divorce things started happening at the school About things I was blamed for that either never happened to our children or were grossly exaggerated.

As part of the custody evaluation process we had to write a timeline of our lives together. She and her family’s timeline was about everything they could to discredit me.

Her niece who came to stay with us for a summer and was supposed to help with the children made all sorts of things up. Meanwhile my family and I suspected she was smoking pot in our house.

The entire process instead of being truly about what our timeline was together and what was in the best interest of our children began and continued to be almost entirely about fabrications of what I and my family did wrong with the children.

Prompt 23: What’s one way you might become eccentric in your old age? How might you go in another (but equally batty) direction?

As we grow old we all evolve based on our based on our past experiences. One persons eccentricity could be another person’s normal.

A few before she passed away when she was in here early nineties my grandmother told me she was too old to change. we all change everyday. We might continue to do the same things react the same way but we are very infrequently the same person.

I’ve learned a lot through tragedy and loss. It’s taught me to dislike acts not people. I’ve never been one to have a lot of people who are close to me. Struggling with significant anxiety and what has been clinically diagnosed as mild depression seem to push many people away.

The difficult irony is that I crave connection and love. Having others I am close to and that understand me is important in my life. I thought I found that with my wife, but she always put everyone else first.

Our children were very young when my wife became ill. It brought us much closer together as she healed. Many others and even people I did not expect to question my parenting style and abilities.

I focused on her getting healthy and taking care of the children. I let anyone into our lives at the time who would be willing to help.

Taking a look from the outside in it seems as if many consider me to be difficult. I view that as just another way of others viewing someone as eccentric.

In addition to connection with others I also talk a lot. It seems as we age we all become eccentric in our own ways. People that are perceived as mean can become nicer and vice versa.

Many people look at an elderly single woman as eccentric in many ways. People often used to say that batty old woman. How does that apply to men? I hate being alone now and am afraid that is the way my life will continue.

People who treat me with a lack of respect make me batty. I was at a group seminar where the leader of the group was discussing people who are creepy. Given time to reflect it felt like she was implying this of me and a one other person who was in attendance.

Is creepiness one thing to some and eccentricity to others? The one thing I hope to achieve in my “old age” is a better understanding and love of myself. If that’s being eccentric and/or batty and going in another direction, at least I would be comfortable in my own skin.