Prompt 115: This is the one thing you’d change about your best friend

I don't have one best friend. I am fortune enough to have a few that check in on me. One calls everyday and another once or twice per week.

The one thing I would change with most of my fiends would be to see them more often. The one that calls once or twice per week I see only a few times per year.

We only live about 20-30 minutes from each other. He's busy with work and his family. It would still be nice to see him more.

My other friend I see about once per month. He's always on the road as a salesman so he can talk on the phone a lot while he's driving in between appointments.

My truest best friends I used to get to see everyday. That was my children. Losing them was devastating. I would desperately want custody back and to see them almost everyday.

I wanted their mother to be my best friend. Her sister would always seem to intervene with anyone in her life that would be closer to her than she was.

We would have disagreements and my ex would say her family or my family. I would always respond I care most about our family.

Looking back in never really felt like we had our own family. Influence from both sides was heavy. I would have loved for us to move somewhere to be able to be ourselves.

She said she couldn't do that to her mother or friends. They always seemed to have priority over me and our children.

The biggest thing I would change is the ability to be in a strong relationship and have my partner be my best friend.

I really hope to find love again. The next time I want to experience what a true best friend and life partner means. I'm often negative but not when it comes to love. I try and believe we all have someone out there to share life with. Someone that loves us for who we are and not what we might become in their mind.

Nothing would bring me greater joy than being able to find that and having my true best friend in my life everyday. I hope to reunite with my children as well.

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Prompt 84: A Moment When you were happy to be the age you were.

The moment I was happy to be the age I was was the first year of my relationship with my ex and the first years after we had our first child, a son.

The moment I was happy to be the age I was the first year of my relationship with my ex and the first years after we had our first child, a son.

I discussed at length in the last post and throughout the blog how much I dreamt of having a family. I still hope to become a writer and dreamt of being a broadcaster growing up and in my twenties, but nothing meant more to me than becoming a husband and father.

The first year of my relationship with my ex and our honeymoon, then three and a half years later when we became parents through right before we had our second was an amazing and special time in my life.

How much do we truly enjoy the special times in life in the moment? Some have a better ability to do that than others. We strive for more money, a bigger house, more friends and especially for a better life for our children.

I loved that time, but probably not enough. I wanted more. I saw others that had more than us and I wanted that. How can we truly be happy if we look at everyone else instead of appreciating what we have?

It’s often hard to see value while we are living life. If we can be happy to be the age we are at a specific time we go a long way towards enjoying life more. That can be a lot easier said than done.

Patrick Stewart’s character Captain John Luc-Picard in Star Trek the Next Generation once spoke about the importance of living in the now and said:

“Time is a companion that goes with us on all of our journeys and reminds us to cherish every moment….After all, We are only mortal.”

Prompt 58: Who was Your First Teacher that Wasn’t a Teacher

Almost everyone should answer this question being a parent or someone else close to them in the home. 

A parent, an older siblings, a nanny a caretaker, that’s who should be someone’s first teacher. In my case it was my parents and the housekeeper we grew up with.

My mom was always the one that took the most interest in our education. She helped us with homework, was our advocate with our teachers and made sure to educate us on things far beyond academic persuits.  

My mother came from a very academic family. She and my grandfather both loved to read. My grandfather was very into the stock market and my mom has an interest in politics and good murder mysteries.

On days off from school we were always doing things to make us better people and to learn. We went to museums, visited working farms and she would help me a lot through my difficulties with school. 

The one I remember getting the most help on was the odyssey. I had a ton of trouble understanding that book. I’ve never been a big reader of books and have difficult understanding longer form writing. I had a greater passion for current events, reading the newspaper and magazine articles. 

My father’s passion and knowledge was and is sports. He’s a big sports fan, a great athlete and has competed in sports at a high level. 

He took me to every imagineable sporting event except hockey. He’s doesn’t like hockey. I learned about hockey on my own. 

My parents housekeeper is a part of our family. She is the one that taught me how to be domestic. Doing laundry, taking care of children and learning how to cook all came from watching and talking to her and by asking questions. 

It might take a village, but it should almost always start in the home. 

Prompt 51: What Relative are you Most Similar? Describe Your Similarities. 

The relative to whom I am most alike is my son. 

My son and I have an amazing amount of similar traits. Anxiety has been a huge of my life. I was always nervous around the opposite sex and would cower about approaching a woman in a bar, at a party or asking a woman out that I already knew.

I’ve frequently said that I am afraid of my own shadow. My son has many of the same things I struggle with. His shadow is afraid of its shadow. He doesn’t like to take chances and is very guarded in what he does. Even playing soccer he would get nervous when the ball came near him.

In addition to anxiety we both struggle with attention issues and have bleeding disorder. We are both very compassionate, loyal,  wrong and have many of the same interests.

A few years ago I took my kids sledding. My son would not go down by himself. He waited for adult to go down with him on the sled. My daughter who was five and at the time and is fearless took the sled and not only went down by herself, but did it head first.

I hope that as he gets older my son will be able to get past his issues better than I have.

Prompt 36: Do you Remember the First Time you Felt Like you had won an Argument with a Parent? Does that still feel like a victory Today?

How does one define winning an argument. My father has never admitted he’s ever wrong with anything involving me. I can only remember twice hearing complements from him.

How does one define winning an argument. My father has never admitted he’s ever wrong with anything involving me. I can only remember twice hearing complements from him.

I need Peabody’s Wayback Machine. It’s hard to remember a specific argument that I felt I was in the right that felt like a victory. Father is a very confident self-assured person. I’m the complete opposite. Confidence, self-esteem and being self-assured are inner turmoils I’ve fought my entire life.

I can think of a few times with my father that it took a third person to assure me that I was the one who was right in a disagreement.

My father came from a generation of parents who lived through the Great Depression. My paternal grandmother was a very tough woman. She has a difficult time getting along with others and was very tough on my father and his siblings.

She more than my grandfather made him into the person he is. He always looked up to her and it seemed as if she could do no wrong. I am lot sure how my father is towards others but it usually felt like I could do no right. Add on top of that my mom would protect everyone else and the times of feeling like I would “win” an argument with him are very small.

That doesn’t mean I felt internally that I was doing the wrong thing. His biggest criticisms would usually involve my parenting style.My style is far more hands on than he is. I’m also encouraging and not discouraging to my kids.

I learned to just withdraw from him and to a much lesser extent from my mother. Not have the argument and constantly being told what I am doing wrong just wasn’t worth it. 

Prompt 35: The time you went to bat for Someone, and wished you hadn’t.

I don’t usually regret when I go to bat for Someone. The incidence that comes to mind is shortly after my oldest was born. My mom was having a party for family and relatives to meet my son. She rearranged the schedule so that my sister’s inlaws could be there. The time my mom rescheduled it to meant that my wife’s sister could not make it because she had to work.

I don’t usually regret when I go to bat for Someone. The incidence that comes to mind is shortly after my oldest was born. My mom was having a party for family and relatives to meet my son. She rearranged the schedule so that my sister’s in-laws could be there. The time my mom rescheduled it to meant that my wife’s sister could not make it because she had to work. 

It was more important to my mom for my sister’s in-laws to be there than my son’s own blood relatives, his aunt and cousins. Her comment to me was that “I am not doing that to my daughter. My wife and I were always an after thought to both families with the exception  my mother in law. Everyone else seemed to come first.

My mom wasn’t even going to invite  sister-in-law and her family at first. I stood up for them to be invited and yet my mom invited my sisters in-laws who were not really related to my son.

My wife’s brother-in-law was not working and refused to come. He hid behind that his son who was three had to nap. In reality this was their response to my mom not coming to a similar event three years prior. My wife, children and I would always be caught in the middle between both families. It was the Montague’s and the Capulets centuries later, except our love sadly was not as deep as Romeo and Juliet.

Whenever our children were involved we worked around everyone else’s schedules.

Three years later we were with my sister. Her daughter is ten weeks older than mine.when my niece finished drinking her bottle as a baby my dad said it was time to go even though our daughter wasn’t finished. I told my father my daughter wasn’t finished yet and it didn’t seem to matter.

I said something got a snide commented then got screamed at by my wife and if it was my fault.

Families can be impossible. My best friend from college always preferred friends to family. In many ways he’s right. That’s another post for another time.

Prompt 33: Write a One-Page Synopsis of Your Life. It’s for Someone Who’s in a Hurry and Not Particularly Interested.

I have lived an ordinary life with some extraordinary experiences.

I have lived an ordinary life with some extraordinary experiences.

I grew up in two affluent suburbs. I loved where I grew up and loved where I went to high school. I was a below average student and average athlete.

I was never good enough to play high school sports and I was barely a good enough athlete to get into college.

I have been lucky as an adult to travel to some historic locations and participate and attend in some amazing events.

I grew up as part of a high achieving family. It’s something I generally am not. My family doesn’t always accept the average person. They expect success and often don’t accept those that don’t reach their level of success.

The majority of my life I have had to deal with significant anxiety and mild depression. It’s something I battle everyday. It often makes getting things done tougher and takes far greater effort for me than the average person.

The last few years have been particularly difficult. I had to go through an illness with my ex, holding our family together as a result, her filing for divorce and then getting custody. This exacerbated my anxiety and depression. Relationships of all kinds have always come difficult for me.

I’ve never fit into my family. Most of them have not so transparently looked down on me. I don’t fit into their mold of what someone should be. I’ve been called a martyr by my mother and lazy by my father.

I’ve always struggled to find a way to fit in with whatever group I am a part of. This includes, family, friends, work, school etc. As a writer maybe I am better off staying to myself and continuing to write.