Prompt 99: What you know of your family’s history all told, is it a gift to you or a curse? Defend your arguments.

Prompt 99: What you know of your family’s history all told, is it a gift to you or a curse? Defend your arguments.

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Beyond my Grandparents, I do not know much about my family’s history. Living in my father’s shadow has been a gift and a curse.

My father has been successful throughout his life. He is a highly accomplished athlete and was very successful for over 30 years in finance.

My mother always said that he did everything he could to shield us from competition. It was still difficult growing wanting to be as successful as he was. I wanted to reach the things he did or at least the goals I had set for myself.

My parents have been married for 52 years. I have dreamt almost my entire life of getting married and raising a family with a woman I could be close with. Someone to share ideals, ethics, a mutual physical and emotional relationship.,

I knew from a young age what I wanted to do for a career. My career never materialized. My father wanted me to go into finance like he did. One of my brothers did and is doing very well. I tried but it felt like I did have the right mind for it.

Although my father did what he could to steer us away from certain things, he is also very judgemental. He has certain ideas about how people should live life. He often does not understand people who are not like him.

He is extroverted, assertive and athletic. Anyone that is more introverted, not as athletic and that might struggle with physical or mental impairments he doesn’t seem to relate to.

I was diagnosed with dyslexia at a fairly young age. I learned I had ADHD soon after finishing college and anxiety and depression much later. My father would call me sweetness growing up in a sarcastic nod to my fluctuating moods. My mother would call me a martyr or tell me I was saying woe as me. In actuality, it was me dealing with my depression and anxiety.

Almost everything in life internally has been difficult for me. I have struggled with the issues mentioned above. Those have hindered me in almost every way. I have struggled with work and relationships.

I have held three or four jobs for two years or more since being finished with college. Others ones have often not worked out. Dating is a frequent struggled. My marriage was a constant battle.

Dating is a frequent struggle. My marriage was a constant battle. We dated for two years before getting married. We were married nine and a half years when she filed for divorce. The longest relationship I was in other than with her was two and half months.

Since she filed for separation nearly five years ago the most I have been out with one woman was four times in a three-month span.

My entire family beyond my father and siblings are high achievers. It feels like I have to expend a lot of energy just to get through a day. My sister told me that everyone goes through depression and I just have to get through it.

On the whole, because of my family’s lack of understanding me and their level of achievement versus my lack of it, my family’s history and success are more of a curse than a gift.

 

 

Prompt 70: How Would Your Friends Describe Your Personality? How Would Family Members Describe it? What About Strangers-the barista, the gas station attendant?

This is one of the more complex ones. My perception of how others see me and how I see their perception of me is very different depending on the person.

This isn’t as simple narrowing it down to family, friends, and acquaintances. The family member I talk to the most is my first cousin. He would say that I have a big heart, am loving, smart, know a lot about sports, am caring, but don’t think things through.

He and I text at least three to four times per week. At my wedding, my brother said that I am difficult to get to know. My ex and her family said and portrayed to the judge in my divorce that I am a careless and heartless person and a poor father. That was among the many things they portrayed to the judge. Most of what they said were lies or exaggerations.

My friends would label me much like my cousin who would say that I am loyal, kind, have a good heart, intelligent and caring.

I am a very passionate person and that passion can be very divisive. Some people might use the line from the Rodney Dangerfield movie Back to School. When speaking of his professor played by Sam Kinison Dangerfield’s character Thornton Mellon says “he cares…about what I have no idea”

I have learned through a lot of hardship and seeing others struggle over the years to sometimes not speak my opinion, not be so judgemental, care about others and respect them more. It’s not always important to be right. Not every mistake needs to be corrected. If someone else says something and its wrong, it’s ok to keep it to yourself.

Through actions by some that have hurt me I have also learned to dislike actions more than people. My self-perception is that I have evolved more in the last few years than I did for most of the rest of my life. There are definitely some in my life that would agree and others that would disagree.

Multiple devastating events in my life over the last five and half years have given me a very different perspective on life. Some would say I have changed while others would say I haven’t. The truth probably applies depending on what part of my life or personality. I’ve matured in a ton of ways, but repeatedly setbacks in life have caused my anxiety to be a constant battle and my depression to worsen.

I often go to the local library to get work done. That would be the most common place for me to have strangers that have seen me on a regular basis. There were many other regulars there, but only one I talked to. He would have nice things to say about me. I told him about the events in my life. He’d probably say I am friendly and talkative.

The other people who were at the library on a regular basis would probably say that I am quiet except for that one man I interacted with.

My own perception of my personality is that I am passionate, loyal, intense, caring, loving, smart, but passive and struggle with anxiety. I still have a lot of life left to live and hope to continue to grow every day.

Prompt 58: Who was Your First Teacher that Wasn’t a Teacher

Almost everyone should answer this question being a parent or someone else close to them in the home. 

A parent, an older siblings, a nanny a caretaker, that’s who should be someone’s first teacher. In my case it was my parents and the housekeeper we grew up with.

My mom was always the one that took the most interest in our education. She helped us with homework, was our advocate with our teachers and made sure to educate us on things far beyond academic persuits.  

My mother came from a very academic family. She and my grandfather both loved to read. My grandfather was very into the stock market and my mom has an interest in politics and good murder mysteries.

On days off from school we were always doing things to make us better people and to learn. We went to museums, visited working farms and she would help me a lot through my difficulties with school. 

The one I remember getting the most help on was the odyssey. I had a ton of trouble understanding that book. I’ve never been a big reader of books and have difficult understanding longer form writing. I had a greater passion for current events, reading the newspaper and magazine articles. 

My father’s passion and knowledge was and is sports. He’s a big sports fan, a great athlete and has competed in sports at a high level. 

He took me to every imagineable sporting event except hockey. He’s doesn’t like hockey. I learned about hockey on my own. 

My parents housekeeper is a part of our family. She is the one that taught me how to be domestic. Doing laundry, taking care of children and learning how to cook all came from watching and talking to her and by asking questions. 

It might take a village, but it should almost always start in the home.