Prompt 115: This is the one thing you’d change about your best friend

I don't have one best friend. I am fortune enough to have a few that check in on me. One calls everyday and another once or twice per week.

The one thing I would change with most of my fiends would be to see them more often. The one that calls once or twice per week I see only a few times per year.

We only live about 20-30 minutes from each other. He's busy with work and his family. It would still be nice to see him more.

My other friend I see about once per month. He's always on the road as a salesman so he can talk on the phone a lot while he's driving in between appointments.

My truest best friends I used to get to see everyday. That was my children. Losing them was devastating. I would desperately want custody back and to see them almost everyday.

I wanted their mother to be my best friend. Her sister would always seem to intervene with anyone in her life that would be closer to her than she was.

We would have disagreements and my ex would say her family or my family. I would always respond I care most about our family.

Looking back in never really felt like we had our own family. Influence from both sides was heavy. I would have loved for us to move somewhere to be able to be ourselves.

She said she couldn't do that to her mother or friends. They always seemed to have priority over me and our children.

The biggest thing I would change is the ability to be in a strong relationship and have my partner be my best friend.

I really hope to find love again. The next time I want to experience what a true best friend and life partner means. I'm often negative but not when it comes to love. I try and believe we all have someone out there to share life with. Someone that loves us for who we are and not what we might become in their mind.

Nothing would bring me greater joy than being able to find that and having my true best friend in my life everyday. I hope to reunite with my children as well.

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Prompt 33: Write a One-Page Synopsis of Your Life. It’s for Someone Who’s in a Hurry and Not Particularly Interested.

I have lived an ordinary life with some extraordinary experiences.

I have lived an ordinary life with some extraordinary experiences.

I grew up in two affluent suburbs. I loved where I grew up and loved where I went to high school. I was a below average student and average athlete.

I was never good enough to play high school sports and I was barely a good enough athlete to get into college.

I have been lucky as an adult to travel to some historic locations and participate and attend in some amazing events.

I grew up as part of a high achieving family. It’s something I generally am not. My family doesn’t always accept the average person. They expect success and often don’t accept those that don’t reach their level of success.

The majority of my life I have had to deal with significant anxiety and mild depression. It’s something I battle everyday. It often makes getting things done tougher and takes far greater effort for me than the average person.

The last few years have been particularly difficult. I had to go through an illness with my ex, holding our family together as a result, her filing for divorce and then getting custody. This exacerbated my anxiety and depression. Relationships of all kinds have always come difficult for me.

I’ve never fit into my family. Most of them have not so transparently looked down on me. I don’t fit into their mold of what someone should be. I’ve been called a martyr by my mother and lazy by my father.

I’ve always struggled to find a way to fit in with whatever group I am a part of. This includes, family, friends, work, school etc. As a writer maybe I am better off staying to myself and continuing to write.

Prompt 26: What’s the most confused you’ve ever been? Tell that story.

The most confused I’ve ever been was when I saw a woman I knew who was pregnant…or so I thought.

The woman I knew who was pregnant used to come into my place of work nearly everyday. I had seen her nearly everyday throughout her pregnancy.

The woman walked into where I was working wearing a large wearing a large sweatshirt and carrying the Sunday paper in front of her belly. She mentioned “this kid is killing me” I responded to her when are you due?. Her response was that she already had the baby.

I was never so embarrassed. It was a situation that could happen to anyone. With her oversize sweatshirt and the newspaper it was difficult to tell if she was still pregnant or not.

I am not sure what else I could have done other than just acknowledging what she say, helping her and then moving on to the next patron.

The next day or shortly thereafter I was watching t.v. I saw an ad with her husband in it advertising his law firm. This was when ads for law firm were first allowed on television. After I saw at I didn’t feel quite as embarrassed.

 

 

 

Prompt 19: what I most want you to know about me is….

Finish this sentence and keep writing for ten minutes. DO NOT LOOK AHEAD

What I most want you to know about me is that I am still learning to get to know myself.

We are never to old to learn and evolve. How do we define ourselves? Can anyone person be truly be defined by one thing? No one is purely their job, their partner, their children, their hobbies etc.

My most important role is being a father. Unfortunately it was important to the siblings of my ex to discredit and make me look as horrible as they could. Her sisters, brother and brother in-law wanted me out of her life and the life of out children. And succeeded.

The most important things to me in others are loyalty, compassion, intelligence and awareness of current events and the world around them.

I have embarked on this journey of 642 to write about me to get to know myself and to reach out to others to who might have gone through similar life journeys.

Stop now write this for ten minutes and keep going. 

This was a lie here is what I really want you to know….I am a multi faceted person. I am a father, a brother, a son, a friend, a writer and a Messenger. I am compassionate, loving, loyal, moody, open with my feelings and emotional.

I have a strong need to appreciated, loved, wanted and needed. The feeling of connections os extremely important to me. I like to be connected to other people and like connecting others.

The advent of social media and blogging has created a powerful tool when used correctly and for good connects us to others like ourselves. Before the Internet the world was a much larger place and therefore many of us felt alone.

It allowed me to meet the mother of my children, to date when I didn’t before because of my anxiety, to connect to friends and colleagues. It helped me to not feel so alone.

 

Prompt 12: Describe an Accident You’ve Been in. Were you at fault? Who was? What Excuses Were Made? What Were the Lasting Consequences?

We all make mistakes in life and most of us are involved in accidents of some sort. Most accidents hopefully involve material things that’s can be replaced.

I tend to be absent-minded and mistake prone. Things often seem to happen to me that might not happen to others. I’ve been in numerous car accidents throughout his my life, lose things easily and seem to have things break.

Throughout my only term relationship this seemed to happen often. I spilled tea once on her laptop and lost her necklace that she had custom-made, I think overseas. When she was sick our daughter by accident broke a plate she had made with our son.

He got really upset with his sister. Although it cannot be replaced, a new one can be bought or made.

Accidents and mistakes can almost be used interchangeably as words. Things at are said decisions we make can cause far more long-term damage than an accident.

About 18 months into out relationship, my then girlfriend’s sister invited my entire family over for the holidays. Her was insulted my by brother’s wife which seemed to s off a family funded that might last for eternity.

It was followed about six months later (at which points were engaged) by my mother not attended a family function for my fiancé’s sister. This is the same sister who would begin to hold a grudge against my family and constantly make negative comments about them.

This caused a lot of consternation around the planning of our wedding how we should plan the birth of our first child and basically raise them in general and aunt other decisions we were to make seemingly had to go through her sister.

The biggest lasting damage it caused it that it put our children in the middle.

Prompt Seven: Write About a Lesson You Learned or an Insight you Gained At the Time, I felt/thought/acted…Now I understand/admit that…

Most of us search our entire lives searching for love, our partner, the person we will share life with and in many if not most cases raise a family with. I thought I had found that in 2001.

All of us have decisions in life that change the course of our life. These are usually big decisions. Where we go to college, where we decide to live, the kind of work we do and who we decide to marry.

Getting there can often involve smaller decisions. Dating was always extremely difficult for me. The advent of the internet gave me far more confidence to date.

In January of 2001 I sat at my computer with my AOL instant messenger box open debating whether or not to send an instant message to a woman. I had grown tired of dating in general and internet dating specifically. I thought what do I have to lose. I sent the message and there was an instant connection.

We messaged for a few days before we spoke on the phone. It would be about two weeks before our first date. I decided to go out on the date with the goal of having fun and not worrying about the future.

My more relaxed attitude probably had a lot to do with the success of the date. We dated for two years and got engaged on the second anniversary of our first date.

We were married for two and a half more years before our first child was born. We went through a lot to get there. She had been sick beginning about eight months into our relationship.

The various illnesses would have changed most people and made them more appreciative of life. It didn’t seem to do either for both us. Ours was the epitome of a love hate relationship.

None of those illnesses compared to what was to come years later.She contacted a life threatening illness. The prospect of losing her made all the fights, arguments and disagreements seem pointless. I cried myself to sleep every night for two months.

One argument that preceded her illness by a month or two seemed particularly pointless.  As we were having a beautiful dinner outside in the summer I had forgotten to boil the corn to go with dinner.

The insight I gained from her illness is that almost all of our of arguments, disagreements and dissension seemed so trivial. Many of us get caught up in the minutiae of everyday life. What class your kids might take, whose family are you going to spend the holidays with or what are you going to eat for dinner.

When she got sick it made everything else feel pointless. In spite of our contentious marriage, I wanted to show her despite her illness I still loved her and hoped we could put the past behind us.

I learned a lot from a heartbreaking situation. Her illness clarified my love for her. More than anything I wanted to show her how much I loved her.

We were not always nice to each other. She would often call me names, particularly in disagreements with her family. I compounded it by teasing her early in the relationship and occasionally saying things about her family that I could have chosen different words for.

It took an inconceivable tragedy for me to realize how fragile life is. The lesson I learned and insight I gained is how fragile love is. What truly is love? How do we nurture a relationship? How do you put your relationship with your spouse/partner first while still keeping those in your life important.

One of the lessons I learned through all this is that the family you create together needs to come first. She would often say in her arguments “my family” “her family” my answer was always what about our family?

The insight I gained is that the importance of a living will, will and life insurance cannot be understated always have a plan in case you cannot speak for yourself.