Prompt 115: This is the one thing you’d change about your best friend

I don't have one best friend. I am fortune enough to have a few that check in on me. One calls everyday and another once or twice per week.

The one thing I would change with most of my fiends would be to see them more often. The one that calls once or twice per week I see only a few times per year.

We only live about 20-30 minutes from each other. He's busy with work and his family. It would still be nice to see him more.

My other friend I see about once per month. He's always on the road as a salesman so he can talk on the phone a lot while he's driving in between appointments.

My truest best friends I used to get to see everyday. That was my children. Losing them was devastating. I would desperately want custody back and to see them almost everyday.

I wanted their mother to be my best friend. Her sister would always seem to intervene with anyone in her life that would be closer to her than she was.

We would have disagreements and my ex would say her family or my family. I would always respond I care most about our family.

Looking back in never really felt like we had our own family. Influence from both sides was heavy. I would have loved for us to move somewhere to be able to be ourselves.

She said she couldn't do that to her mother or friends. They always seemed to have priority over me and our children.

The biggest thing I would change is the ability to be in a strong relationship and have my partner be my best friend.

I really hope to find love again. The next time I want to experience what a true best friend and life partner means. I'm often negative but not when it comes to love. I try and believe we all have someone out there to share life with. Someone that loves us for who we are and not what we might become in their mind.

Nothing would bring me greater joy than being able to find that and having my true best friend in my life everyday. I hope to reunite with my children as well.

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Prompt 73: What was the meanest thing somebody has said or done to you?

The is the easiest and clearest of all my posts. Sometimes it takes a life-changing event to make us see life more clearly.

Life is easiest for me when I am able to focus on what is directly in front of me. I am better at the tasks that require immediate attention. Taking care of children, do laundry, cooking meals and getting things done that require immediate attention.

My ex and I had a very passionate relationship. That meant extremes in our relationship. We very much seemed to have a love-hate relationship. When she had an illness that caused her to become paralyzed it made me realize how much I really did love her and how stupid much of our fighting was.

I stood by her as she was hospitalized for over half a year. She then moved in with family. I was not going to be allowed to see her without her family in our presence. I later said to her that needs to chance. It is not a marriage if we cannot be alone.

That began the process of her filing for divorce. I was able to accept that she did not want to be together anymore. I had hoped for our children we could make this amicable. I wanted to try and use a mediator. Her brother in law “volunteered” to be the mediator. His profession in computers he had no experience as a mediator.

After I had gotten some things in court early in the divorce that upset her, she hired a new attorney. She never stopped attacking my character. The truth and well being of our children ceased to matter. What began to matter was them getting control.

After a nearly three-year battle, she gained custody of our children. Almost two years after that she went after my house and the judge awarded it to her. This was in spite of the fact she has never been in it and that I bought it after we were legally separated.

Losing my children, facing the possibility of having no place to live and having this come from the woman I spent over ten years loving is the meanest thing, someone has ever done to me.

I have seen many other friends and acquaintances that have suffered at the hands of their ex with the help of the courts. Not too many things are more ugly than divorce. It destroys lives and families. It breaks my heart to see children and others have to suffer with a lot of assistance from the courts.

The judiciary branch of government is supposed to protect people, not destroy their life.

Prompt Seven: Write About a Lesson You Learned or an Insight you Gained At the Time, I felt/thought/acted…Now I understand/admit that…

Most of us search our entire lives searching for love, our partner, the person we will share life with and in many if not most cases raise a family with. I thought I had found that in 2001.

All of us have decisions in life that change the course of our life. These are usually big decisions. Where we go to college, where we decide to live, the kind of work we do and who we decide to marry.

Getting there can often involve smaller decisions. Dating was always extremely difficult for me. The advent of the internet gave me far more confidence to date.

In January of 2001 I sat at my computer with my AOL instant messenger box open debating whether or not to send an instant message to a woman. I had grown tired of dating in general and internet dating specifically. I thought what do I have to lose. I sent the message and there was an instant connection.

We messaged for a few days before we spoke on the phone. It would be about two weeks before our first date. I decided to go out on the date with the goal of having fun and not worrying about the future.

My more relaxed attitude probably had a lot to do with the success of the date. We dated for two years and got engaged on the second anniversary of our first date.

We were married for two and a half more years before our first child was born. We went through a lot to get there. She had been sick beginning about eight months into our relationship.

The various illnesses would have changed most people and made them more appreciative of life. It didn’t seem to do either for both us. Ours was the epitome of a love hate relationship.

None of those illnesses compared to what was to come years later.She contacted a life threatening illness. The prospect of losing her made all the fights, arguments and disagreements seem pointless. I cried myself to sleep every night for two months.

One argument that preceded her illness by a month or two seemed particularly pointless.  As we were having a beautiful dinner outside in the summer I had forgotten to boil the corn to go with dinner.

The insight I gained from her illness is that almost all of our of arguments, disagreements and dissension seemed so trivial. Many of us get caught up in the minutiae of everyday life. What class your kids might take, whose family are you going to spend the holidays with or what are you going to eat for dinner.

When she got sick it made everything else feel pointless. In spite of our contentious marriage, I wanted to show her despite her illness I still loved her and hoped we could put the past behind us.

I learned a lot from a heartbreaking situation. Her illness clarified my love for her. More than anything I wanted to show her how much I loved her.

We were not always nice to each other. She would often call me names, particularly in disagreements with her family. I compounded it by teasing her early in the relationship and occasionally saying things about her family that I could have chosen different words for.

It took an inconceivable tragedy for me to realize how fragile life is. The lesson I learned and insight I gained is how fragile love is. What truly is love? How do we nurture a relationship? How do you put your relationship with your spouse/partner first while still keeping those in your life important.

One of the lessons I learned through all this is that the family you create together needs to come first. She would often say in her arguments “my family” “her family” my answer was always what about our family?

The insight I gained is that the importance of a living will, will and life insurance cannot be understated always have a plan in case you cannot speak for yourself.