Prompt 109: Your Earliest Memory of Being Separated From Your Parents
The earliest memory I have of being separated from my parents is when I was about three years old.
When I was three, I went to California with my mom’s cousin. We are not even in touch with him anymore and I don’t remember who it was.
My parents also had a housekeeper that began with my family when I was six months old. She continued working for my parents well into adulthood for all of us. She also has frequently cared for my parents ten grandchildren was well. That included my son twice per week for 18 months when he was a toddler.
I have very little memory of my trip to California. I can remember one picture of the trip amid the Palm trees. It was of me and the cousin. I also vaguely remember flying Pan Am. Eastern airlines somewhat creeps into my memory about that as well. That would not make much sense though.
How come there was an Eastern Airlines and not Western? At least as a major airline. There was also frequent time spent with grandparents growing up.
My maternal grandparents lived in the same area we did, while my paternal grandparents were in another state. I think I once went to visit my grandparents out of state when I was about six or seven. I remember going to a fancy party with my grandfather.
My paternal grandparents were much simpler than my maternal grandparents. The party was something special for my grandfather to go to. It was in the party room of their condo building. I remember having a nice dinner and that there was a band and dancing.
There was also frequent sleepovers at my maternal grandparents because they lived only a few miles from us.
When I was separated from my mom it was much more frequently time alone with my father. He would travel a lot and bring me with him. My brother had been ill frequently as a young child.
My mom had to stay behind to take care of my brother and at times be with him in the hospital. For the most part, we were not separated from my parents very often as children.
My parents have had a far less dramatic life with far more love in it from each other and emotional support from family than I have had. If we are referencing this in “scariest” terms there are a lot of things I hope to avoid.
Growing up my mom was one of the most patient, caring, understanding and empathetic people. She was very loving and kind. As she’s aged in many ways she has become her mother.
My mom was far more like my grandfather. My grandmother did not finish college, was judgemental and not very patient. My parents have been through a lot with me, but I feel emotionally abandoned by them.
My father has achieved on a high level his entire life. He has g-d give talents that very few people have. He does not have patience for those that are not high achievers. He is drawn to people in positions of authority and those that are highly successful in a multitude of ways.
I have had to learn through my own struggles as an adult to dislike an act, not a person, to not judge others that are different from us and to try to work with others, not against them.
I have always felt like an outsider in my own family. I have not seen my children for a very long time, but I hope to be able to see them and whoever becomes their partner as they age for the person they are and not their accomplishments.
I want to be there for the important people in my life no matter what. I have been put in a position to be alone. Most people only seem to care when life is either extremely good or bad.
How much to we truly love those close to us and reach out just because? My father has never really been good at being emotionally supportive. He is very guarded with his feelings. So is my mom.
So is my mom. They likely keep things private. I am the opposite. I am very open with my feelings. I state how I feel and that seems to put many people off. The only way I truly hope to be like my parents as I age is to find someone special to share life with again and to hopefully be able to live comfortably enough to enjoy life.
I have learned that judging others different than us does no one any good.
I have lived an ordinary life with some extraordinary experiences.
I have lived an ordinary life with some extraordinary experiences.
I grew up in two affluent suburbs. I loved where I grew up and loved where I went to high school. I was a below average student and average athlete.
I was never good enough to play high school sports and I was barely a good enough athlete to get into college.
I have been lucky as an adult to travel to some historic locations and participate and attend in some amazing events.
I grew up as part of a high achieving family. It’s something I generally am not. My family doesn’t always accept the average person. They expect success and often don’t accept those that don’t reach their level of success.
The majority of my life I have had to deal with significant anxiety and mild depression. It’s something I battle everyday. It often makes getting things done tougher and takes far greater effort for me than the average person.
The last few years have been particularly difficult. I had to go through an illness with my ex, holding our family together as a result, her filing for divorce and then getting custody. This exacerbated my anxiety and depression. Relationships of all kinds have always come difficult for me.
I’ve never fit into my family. Most of them have not so transparently looked down on me. I don’t fit into their mold of what someone should be. I’ve been called a martyr by my mother and lazy by my father.
I’ve always struggled to find a way to fit in with whatever group I am a part of. This includes, family, friends, work, school etc. As a writer maybe I am better off staying to myself and continuing to write.
We all make mistakes in life and most of us are involved in accidents of some sort. Most accidents hopefully involve material things that’s can be replaced.
I tend to be absent-minded and mistake prone. Things often seem to happen to me that might not happen to others. I’ve been in numerous car accidents throughout his my life, lose things easily and seem to have things break.
Throughout my only term relationship this seemed to happen often. I spilled tea once on her laptop and lost her necklace that she had custom-made, I think overseas. When she was sick our daughter by accident broke a plate she had made with our son.
He got really upset with his sister. Although it cannot be replaced, a new one can be bought or made.
Accidents and mistakes can almost be used interchangeably as words. Things at are said decisions we make can cause far more long-term damage than an accident.
About 18 months into out relationship, my then girlfriend’s sister invited my entire family over for the holidays. Her was insulted my by brother’s wife which seemed to s off a family funded that might last for eternity.
It was followed about six months later (at which points were engaged) by my mother not attended a family function for my fiancé’s sister. This is the same sister who would begin to hold a grudge against my family and constantly make negative comments about them.
This caused a lot of consternation around the planning of our wedding how we should plan the birth of our first child and basically raise them in general and aunt other decisions we were to make seemingly had to go through her sister.
The biggest lasting damage it caused it that it put our children in the middle.
This is the easiest one I have written from this book so far.
I was dating for two years. Numerous times for various reasons I felt like I should break up with her. I had broken up with other women I had dated or didn’t go out again after a few dates. I knew if probably upset some women and maybe relieved others.
It was different this time. She might have been the first person other than a family member to tell me she loves me. It was fairly quickly only about three weeks after we started dating. Some would say that’s too soon. Some say they know instantly.
I’ve had to learn through some very difficult times that we cannot judge what works best for others. Every time I thought about ending the relationship all I could think about is what would it do to her? I used to ask her how she would feel is something happened to me. Her answer was always devastated.
I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her. It took me years before I realized how deep my love was for her. All I knew at that time was that my feelings for her and not wanting to be the one to cause her pain was something I could not get past.
It’s often talked about what the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. This will be analyzed for infinity. No one can truly know.
After we had been dating for about 18 months I was given an ultimatum that we had to be engaged by our anniversary or it was over. I wasnt sure I was ready.
At the time we began dating, there was another woman I had waited for two years to ask out. We went out once with a group of mutual friends for drinks at the beginning of the relationship I had with my then girlfriend.
I wasn’t unsure if my girlfriend was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It felt more about not wanting to be without her then wanting to be with her.
There were countless red flags. Her mother (who I got along with for the most part) heard a rumor I was adopted and instead of coming to me or my parents told her daughter. It took a year of therapy for my eventual wife to talk to my mother about it.
Her family treated me and my family extremely poorly. Her sister took offense to everything and often of petty disagreements. I was once kicked out of a family event of their’s because of money I supposedly owed.
I took the leap of faith to ask her to marry me. I always figured once we got married that she would realize what we have should come before anyone else. It never did, often in difficult times, she put everyone else in her life first.
There are two things in my life I can remember that my family says are not true.
The first was when I was applying to college. I wanted to got to a private school that was located where I have a lot of family. Another school I was looking at was located in a different part of the country in a city I was completely unfamiliar with.
The that is located where we have family is a private school. The school I was looking at in the unfamiliar city is public school. The private school was twice the cost of the public school. They were fairly even academically at the time.
My mother said to me at the time if I wanted to go to the public I would have to make up said to me at the time that if I wanted to go to the private school I would have to make up the difference in cost.
My youngest siblings wound up going to two of the most expensive schools in the country. I wound up being happy with my “choice”after a rough beginning.
The other thing that is denied that I can remember revolved around my father’s birthday. My parents invited my siblings and I plus our spouses over one year the night before my father’s birthday to celebrate. The night before was to be his birthday celebration.
The night of my father’s actual birthday I was the only child that did not have dinner with them. My mom as she usually does made up some story to protect everyone else and deny that it happened.
To this day both of these are denied by mother as existing.